The Drugs Don’t Work- Unmedicating the Dark Feminine.

PN2

Elizabeth Wurtzel (July 31, 1967 – January 7, 2020), Pluto/Uranus/Venus conjunction. Asteroid Lilith 1st house conjunct south node.

“It was just very interesting to me that certain types of women inspire people’s imagination, and all of them were very difficult women.”

― Elizabeth Wurtzel

Remember Prozac Nation, the book that defined a generation of disaffected, depressed Americans who had grown up under the milieu of divorced parents, working mothers, and who inspired the term latch-key kids?

Prozac Nation: Young and Depressed in America, is Elizabeth’s Wurtzel’s testament to her struggles with mental health and increasing dependency on psychiatric medication. In her journey to self-acceptance, she recognises that it is not only herself who is suffering from depression but that the whole nation appears to be under a fog of a chemical addiction.

“Sometimes it feels like we’re all living in a Prozac nation. The United States of Depression.”

Wurzel’s book defined an era of disaffection and burgeoning mental health labels that were managed by an ever-increasing plethora of psychiatric medication. Her generation, known as Generation X, were born between 1965- 1980, between the post war Baby Boomers, and tech savvy Millennials. A transitional generation, they bridged reality and a dawning artificial reality. They were the first generation to have home computers and gaming; many went onto create pivotal technologies in Silicon Valley such as Jack Dorsey, co-founder of Twitter. Perhaps the success of those pioneering network platforms were in response to the growing sense of alienation that many of the Generation X felt.

Witten in 1994 when Wurtzel was 27, Prozac Nation was among the first of a burgeoning genre in Memoir Writing. The book received mixed reviews, some of which were a damning indictment of Wutrzel’s so called narcissism and self-absorption. Michiko Kakutani writer for the New York Times, compared Wurtzel’s book to the “emotional exhibitionism” of Sylvia Plath’s Bell Jar, and said her “self-pitying passages make the reader want to shake the author, and remind her that there are far worse fates than growing up during the ’70s in New York and going to Harvard.”

Nowadays-hopefully-we recognise this “what do you have to complain about” mentality as a form of gas lighting used to shame and silence people into feeling guilty for authentically expressing their feelings, especially feelings that challenge the consensual reality by digging deeper and asking difficult questions. To my mind, this dismissive and life- denying attitude is also a rejection of the dark feminine which embraces the inevitable pain and reckoning of becoming something greater and more vital than our limited selves and exposing the lies of society.

Beyond the primacy- and perhaps because of- the GDP, and insatiable need for progress and growth at all costs, there is much grief to be felt… as well as the recognition in how we have colluded with and allowed ways of being that are contrary to our soul’s deepest needs and longings.

Today we are experiencing an epidemic of denial; freedom of speech and the right to protest has effectively been outlawed.

Still. What if…

We said no to medication, over-consumption, addiction, porn, vaccination, dead food, the prohibition of the right to roam the land… to live on the land, unwarranted social control. What would our true, authentic, organic, and maybe slightly wild selves do and say then.  How much closer would we be to a vision of freedom.  What if spoke truth and felt our feelings?

I was 27 when I read Prozac Nation, at around the same time I also read Carried Fisher’s (who incidentally had Black Moon Lilith conjunct Chiron, 1st house), Postcards from the Edge, and Susanna Kaysen’s Girl Interrupted. Feeling somewhat lost and alienated myself in a world in which I had difficulty-and resistance- adapting to, I sought out books written by women who were also struggling… although I couldn’t quite quell the nagging feeling that this book, and other icons of the grunge intoxicated 90’s was to some extent glamourising mental instability and heroin chic. Nevertheless, reading books like Prozac Nation eased me with a sense of not being so alone in my suffering, and even that there could be gifts to be found, especially creative ones- though that was far from most people’s reality. As a student of English Literature, I became increasingly disenfranchised from many of the people and structures around me. Growing weary of society, I found my way to the frayed edges where the other -self exiled- misfits lived, I became more comfortable in the sub-culture, immersed in aimless drifting days and wine fuelled nights. I was never prescribed meds though I self-medicated on the most socially acceptable drug of all- alcohol.

As I write about my 27 year old self, the age Elizabeth Wurtzel was when she wrote Prozac Nation, my thoughts also turn to the several famous people who died by taking their own life at that age- ‘The 27 Club’ as they are chillingly known. It would appear that 27 can be a difficult age for some; having not yet crossed the threshold into adulthood, marked by Saturn’s return, this unacknowledged initiation may be too much for some.

The pressure to conform in what felt like an increasingly plastic society was for the most part a painful and silent plight. The voices of disaffection that made it through the channels of main stream media -even while they incurred ridicule as Wurtzel did- were reassuring signs that the dominant narrative, presented as the only reality, was beginning to tear at the seams. Books like Prozac Nation, at least allowed for the possibility of a conversation about why so many people were on anti-depressants in the first place- then as now women were twice as likely to be prescribed anti-depressant medication as men and twice as likely to be diagnosed with a mental health disorder. Remember the days of womb removal as an attempt to cure hysteria? Hysteria was a mental health condition applied to women until 1980- the end of Generation X- when the diagnosis was dropped in favour of an array of other conditions that could now be treated with drugs … a far less messy and much cheaper way of controlling ‘difficult’ women.

Wurtzel’s book it seems was a double edged sword, on one hand it opened the channels for a particular kind of confessional writing that exposed many of the ills of American society, while on the other it seemed to pave the way toward the acceptance of psychiatric medication as an inevitable way of life.

Prozac Nation and other books in that genre however were the voice of Lilith, calling from the shadows and exiled places, calling out the hypocrisy, daring to challenge the collective miasma and corrupt power structures- “Wake up! Don’t go back to sleep… don’t wrap yourself up in chemical cotton candy… don’t allow them to pathologize your soul’s longing and inner knowing… don’t accept a label that will allow you to fit neatly into a manufactured society, controlled by those who want as little disruption as possible in their quest for mastery over Nature.” Lilith has spoken.

Hand maiden to the dark goddess, Lilith keeps the score in our bodies and the many psycho- physical, psycho-spiritual illnesses that we experience. She may have fled into exile for a few thousand years, yet she is fully conscious, fully present, and entirely unmedicated. Biding her time and offering guidance from behind the veil, she shows up in the cracks that appear when we accept what harms us or what we know to be false. She comes to us in the life stultifying depressions, primal rages, and acting out; she exposes our addictions, people pleasing behaviours, and pill popping compliance for what they really are… a denial of our authentic self. Lilith wills us to be free from the seduction of an artificial life with its many promises of ease, pleasure, and comfort in favour of wholeness, liberation, and authenticity.

In just over a week, myself and 12 other women will embark on a 7-week journey- Meetings With the Dark Goddess and Finding the Seeds of Renewal. If you would like to be part of a future group, or similar explorations, or if you would like a Dark Goddess astrology consultation or shamanic session,  please contact me at karen@redspiral.co.uk.

July Full Moon: Activating Our Star Body & Dark Knowing.

Sunrise

“Sunrise from Glastonbury Tor” authors own photograph.

“Everything in life possesses the power to transform, to become, to expand its inherent nature and grow as it were from within, which is Sakti.”

~Madhu Khanna, Yantra

Far from the endless confusion of contradictory messages and the paralysing channels of fear, there is another place, a place that arises from deep within the ground of our being, from our self-generated energy, connected and aligned to the natural cycles and flow of life. Strengthened by our relationship with the organic, natural world, this connection is in danger of becoming weaker in an increasingly artificial world- if we are not mindful of the more subtle dimensions of our existence. This deeper knowing is our “star body”, or astral body, a perception or awareness that connects us to the unseen or subtle realms of reality.

In a glut of words, theories, and concepts, how do we figure out what we truly need, or what to invest our faith in? Our tired minds cling desperately to some semblance of normality, trying to process the unprocessable, amongst the absurdity and insistence that there is a logic, a reason, a purpose which must be grasped even while it changes day by day.

These shadowy projections of a deeper reality, offer no real fulfilment, and for many the show has grown tiresome… for some unbearable.

Where do we go from here and what resources may we draw upon?   

Truth says Ernest Hemingway is elusive- “I know now that there is no one thing that is true – it is all true”. But when everything is true is it not also the case that nothing is true? Slowly we come to realise- as we stumble out from beneath the rubble of our left- brain dominant, and somewhat frazzled western minds- that truth is indeed highly subjective. The people to whom we have assigned the role of keepers of truth, our “experts” and governments, no longer reassure us and indeed seem to steer the world through oceans of myopic confusion… either mistakenly or deliberately.

Author of The Black Goddess and the Unseen Real, Peter Redgrove identifies spiritual intuition as our chief organ. In the mire of information and disinformation overload, clearer waters are to be found in the well spring of our inner knowing, a knowing beyond the conditioned mind and learned behaviour cultivated to fit into a model of society.

No one comes to his true selfhood by being what society wants him to be, nor by doing what it wants him to do.

Stephen Holler author of The Gnostic Jung

Getting back to the unseen real of the black goddesses- wisdom keeper Lilith exiled and demonised for a few thousand years is making a comeback; from out of the shadows, from the wild places, she is calling us to join her. Lilith teaches us to trust our intuition, to stand strong in our truth, to see behind the veils of illusion, and to place our own intuitive knowing above all else. This is not so easy… just as Lilith has been exiled for millennia, our intuitive wisdom, our “star body” has also been off line to varying degrees.

Lilith draws us closer to the invisible realms, out beyond the known world, beyond the chasm of other people’s beliefs, opinions, and assumptions; beyond fear, past the horizon line, so that we may merge with our “star body”, loosened from the shackles of a world that has become so compressed it’s hard to breathe. She shows us we can use this compression to aid our own rebirth… when snakes shed their skin, they rub themselves against a hard surface.  

At the time of the full moon, Black Moon Lilith (true) is in aspect with asteroid Ishtar. In Mesopotamian mythology, Ishtar is the hierodule, the most holy aspect of the bridal ritual (hieros gamos), a sacred ritual and key process in the mysteries of alchemy and rebirth.

Lilith is an aspect of the cosmic feminine who opens psychic awareness and connects the personal and transpersonal realms, she facilitates maturation of the self through a process of self-gnosis. She guides us to find the disenfranchised or unowned parts of ourselves so that we may bring them home. Her darkness in part lies in the recognition of how our unowned or unclaimed energy operates- or is used-  beneath the veil of consciousness… Lilith knows a thing or two about rabbit holes.

Redgrove writes,

“There is a persistent rumour that she herself [Lilith] is the Messiah, come to redeem the divided souls of women, by virtue of her ability to circuit the sky and traverse the depths of the abyss.”

The cosmic feminine is an immense liberating force, animating and flowing with all of life, it is shakti, immanent, transcendent, mysterious, invisible, and utterly embodied. It is not surprising that this force therefore has been shut down, demonised, punished, and deemed unacceptable in a world which has become increasingly dominated by those who like to be in control, or at least enjoy the illusion of being so.

There is a tremendous sense of need right now to break free from all kinds of mental slavery, and it is because of this that our intuitive power is coming back online. Our need to expand beyond intolerable limitations may in the end be the grit we need to produce our pearls.

To find a truth that we can live by, that we may call our own, one that is whole and sustaining we are being asked to step up, to reach down, and go through, to the core of our embodied reality and the “dark knowing” waiting to be revealed via our subliminal and intuitive senses. This is the subtle plane of existence, the astral field, and it is the astral part of ourselves, our “star body” that is waiting to be activated and perceived.

In the time of our greatest challenge we are also offered an opening into our spiritual destiny.

  • Star Body is a term borrowed from Peter Redgrove’s, The Black Goddess and the Unseen Real.

Lilith & the Mystery of the Dark Moon

Lilith-John-Collier-painting

Lilith by John Collier

Today’s new moon at 21 ° Taurus is closely conjunct both True Black Moon Lilith and Mean Black Moon Lilith. The “Temple” of Lilith between these two points is no more than a silver slither as both are within a few arc minutes at 22 ° Taurus. Fixed star Algol- the blinking eye of Medusa- is also involved in this Dark Goddess union with the Sun and Moon, a few degrees away at 26 Taurus.

When Mean and True Black Moon are conjunct, we may brace ourselves for a potent Lilith visitation arising suddenly and intensely into our awareness- a breaking through of repressed unconscious material: rage; a sovereign declaration; an inconvenient truth; an admission of desires long buried under the polite weight of the superego; that which is taboo; a refusal to participate in the inauthentic; something beyond the bounds… the realm of the divine is not always “good” but it is always pure.

The heavy door dusty and stiff with the passing of time opens, sometimes a creak, sometimes an explosion. Lilith is in the house.

Lilith has been demonised as bitch, witch, ball breaker, succubus, child killer, femme fatale, demoness, and malevolent wind spirit. Echoes of her voice emerge from exile in the moments when our well-honed skills of self-denial and society pleasing can no longer contain a deeper primal urge for raw authentic expression. This can be harsh and destructive, and sometimes there’s no going back after the showdown… the only way is through. If we learn to surrender to Her wisdom, if we learn to quieten the voice of reason, the rational, safe limitations of dualistic thinking, we may enter the Temple of Lilith- Her temple is a sacred container which holds and oversees the mysterious processes of transformation and initiation. Rather than being blown apart by Her awesomeness, we are guided through steps that may not always make sense; perhaps we are even blindfolded… just because we have for a brief moment entered the realm of the gods there is much we must not see. We feel the Dark Goddess and yet She herself remains a mystery.

The things of Lilith which have been banished and imprisoned in the personal and collective repository of the unacceptable and demonised, or what Sigmund Freud calls the ID, cannot stay locked away for ever. If we are to claim the truth of who we are in all of our multi-dimensional flow of human and divine facets, we must also claim that which has been rejected and exiled. This is a process of symbiosis: feeling and freeing the pain of what has been outcast and unblocking the energetic channels gives way to an influx of pulsating living energy to fuel our renewal.

Lilith is concerned first and foremost with our personal liberation and releasing our unique code or vibration into the collective strata; She is the space where we interact with the anima mundi, the world soul; She facilitates our coming into alignment with our unique vibrational field and plugs us into the wider matrix of life, Earth, and Cosmos.

While we each have a different Lilith story there may be similarities when we consider the collective narrative around the maiming of certain aspects of feminine, or soul expression. This is the territory of the Dark Goddess of whom Lilith is but one, however she is a potent and activated one who forbids us total rest or complacency until we form a relationship with Her and open ourselves to receive Her wisdom.

While Lilith is very much an expression of the feminine divine, her impulse and intention to liberate us from the shackles of ridgified and oppressive thought forms and beliefs is felt in both women and men. Lilith and the other Dark Goddess figures are concerned with freedom of the human soul through contact with the divine… the divine here is not white angel wings and holy on high, it is also the deep fertilising blackness of the void full of potential and the transformative power of the moon. It can be terrible and taboo, shaking our conditioned mind and shut down bodies right to the core. Things can look quite different after an encounter with Lilith.

Who are you really? she asks, looking you boldly in the eye with an unwavering gaze that seems to reflect the many facets of your diamond soul. Her lithe body, muscular and tight, shimmering as a pale blueish grey, snake-like pulse of luminous light. She lifts her upper garment in a swift provocative gesture, her eyes are seductive and even perhaps just a little menacing and you expect the revealing of voluptuous breasts, nipples, erotica… but her naked body is tight and coiled with compressed energy and you realise… the lifting and removal of her garment is the shedding of her skin. Her hair falls in thick sandy coloured tresses over her shoulders, down her undulating body, serpentine streams of light cascading toward the earth. This goddess is calling you home to the very centre of your being, in and down, spiralling through the layers yourself, through the armouring that was put in place to protect and guard the shining pearl at the centre of your being where you and the All are aligned in perfect resonance. “It’s time for deep diving”, she says in a breathy whisper.

This new Moon/Lilith/Algol conjunction could be a portal to contact what lies beneath and what is ready to emerge in you on your journey of self-reclaiming and realisation. It is an opportunity to bring more of yourself home.

In my ongoing Chiron exploration, the question that seems to be arising for myself and others is, can you stand in your truth and claim your uniqueness even while it may be unacceptable to others, even while it has caused you pain and loneliness. What will it take to boldly and unwaveringly state “this is me”.

If you would like to explore Lilith and or Chiron in your life and in your natal chart, I am available for online astro-shamanic sessions.

Freeing Lilith

February’s new moon occurring on Sunday 23 February at 15.32 GMT has the potential to unlock the door to hidden, repressed or exiled parts of our individual psyche, and in the collective unconscious.

Our banished parts will not lay dormant or be silenced forever and in spite of our best efforts to repress them, like hardy weeds, eventually they poke up through the concrete, straining toward the life-giving properties of the sun (consciousness). And while the weed killers on offer in our current culture may be strong and seductive, they can never fully eclipse the soul’s desire for wholeness.

While the banished parts of us demand to be acknowledged and integrated, like a good family constellation everything and everyone must be included in the bigger picture- for the story is only half told without all the factors.

But we keep trying to lock up the more problematic parts of ourselves in the basement, to not talk about them, to destroy the evidence and use any number of tactics to stay in control. Often the ego will stop at nothing to this end. This is not possible with Lilith. She refuses to collude with any subterfuge of ours, or anybody else’s making. She systematically closes off all avenues that lead to the false self. She persistently shows us the pathways to authenticity even while it hurts and at times it may feel that we are becoming lost in the wilderness. And even while old memories from past lives burn brightly in our unconscious, still she insists on our liberation from any form of imprisonment.

This process is happening on an individual level but it is also happening in the collective, and this new moon offers extra facilitation if we are willing to get real with ourselves.

Freeing Lilith is an inside job, no one is going to give us permission.

Here are the new moon aspects:

Chiron at 3 Aries conjunct Black Moon Lilith (true) at 1 Aries

Dark Moon Lilith at 22 Capricorn conjunct Pluto at 24 Capricorn

What do you get when you cross Lilith with Pluto and Chiron? Deep transformational healing and a chance to own our rejected parts.

In astrology charts I think of the triple placements of Lilith as one process with three stages

  1. Asteroid Lilith is the only physical body of Lilith. I feel it represents our original feminine essence before the abandoned parts of ourselves that were deemed unacceptable were sent into exile. Note this is often where we are powerful and therefore threatening.
  2. Dark Moon Lilith or Waldemath is the expression of the exiled and rejected parts  now split off from our core self and acting out in destructive and unintegrated ‘Lilith-like’ ways. Depending on where we have that point in our chart will describe the ways we are likely to act out or be projected on (it is also the place where we may be scapegoated by others- or asked to carry the collective shadow). In all likelihood we are already acting out that shadow through our own unconscious wounding and defensive behaviour. Dark Moon Lilith in our lives can manifest in many ways such as angry, cold, bitchy, promiscuous, self-destructive, violent, addictive, chaotic, unstable. The danger here is being trapped in a perpetual expression of a destructive and unintegrated Lilith so that we come to believe that is who we are or that we are irreparably damaged.
  3. Black Moon Lilith is the point of redemption and healing through which we may heal our Lilith wound and reclaim the exiled parts of ourselves. This is a deeply visceral process in which we literally release trapped or frozen aspects of our psyche and reintegrate them into the wholeness of our being. It is not that we return to our original feminine essence, it is more that we experience a renaissance of feminine consciousness based on the Lilith journey that have taken. This is nothing short of a rebirth of the divine feminine.

Black Moon Lilith conjunct Chiron in Aries-

This placement can facilitate deep soul healing. Chiron is the wounded healer while Lilith is the exiled and repressed parts of ourselves that need to be brought back into consciousness by releasing blocked and repressed energy stuck in our tissue, cells and psyche. Both Chiron and Black Moon Lilith operate on the level of instinct.

During this conjunction it is a good time to find the methods, modalities and people who have the know-how, wisdom, or vibration that can help us release stagnant energy. Body work, cranio- sacral therapy, breathwork and any other modality that works with the body/mind connection is good, as is shamanic practices such as soul retrieval.

Given that this placement in Aries methods that are dynamic and work on the level of instinctual awareness and/or the active principle is going to be effective. Energetic dancing, shaking, trance dance, any of these practices are beneficial at this time.

Dark Moon Lilith Conjunct Pluto in Capricorn-

To heal our Dark Moon Lilith we first of all have to become aware of Her. Looking at the inner demoness is not always easy and sometimes we just plain refuse to see Her. But here’s a clue… if other people are projecting something of this dark feminine vibe onto you, you can be sure you carry a corresponding wound. The tricky thing about Dark Moon Lilith is that because we have been wounded, we often feel our behaviour is justified in protecting ourselves form further wounding. Ultimately though this is self-sabotaging because not only does it harm those around us, it also cuts off our potential for fulfilling, healthy and intimate relationships. This only serves to reinforce our feelings of rejection and alienation. Dark Moon Lilith has a resonance with Medusa, the serpent headed gorgon who has the anti-gift of turning others to stone just by her gaze.

With Pluto and DML we may be taken right down into the depths of our soul to understand what has happened and why we are so hurt. Lord of the underworld- the great transformer- can shine a light on even the darkest recesses if we are willing to make the descent and face our demons.

Dream journaling, art, automatic writing are all good tools to connect with the unconscious this dark moon- and any dark moon time.

Individually our soul is pulling down the veil while collectively we are being asked to challenge the safe illusions that we have created in order to protect ourselves from the painful truth of our behaviours.

Together, Lilith, Chiron and Pluto offer a hand in leading us to painful but ultimately redemptive places.

 

 

The Lilith Lines

Lilith by Tom Bagshaw

I think of Lilith’s influence as ancestral lines, or mother-lines, coiling threads of black light through time and space… serpentine movement in the spirals of our DNA swimming in deep waters far below conscious awareness.

Every once in a while I feel her hot breath as I wrestle in feverish sleep, trapped memories trying to break free from frozen tissue.  I call out to her. I try to talk with her, to hear her, make her listen, tell her to come home…  but I make no sound save for a few incoherent mutterings and groans.

Like Ereshkigal deep in her kingdom of darkness, Lilith is uncompromising and demands sacrifice… the sacrifice of the false self.

Sometimes it seems that I need only follow her across the threshold to the liminal space where she dwells. I set out, holding onto the line that she has cast to me from the other side where all the lost souls and unborn babies roam… a world created from the abandoned memories that refuse to be silenced.

In 2016 Lilith gate-crashed my life in an uncanny way. It was September 11th and I was thinking about what to wear to a friend’s 50th birthday party. The invitation was enticing… “Come as your higher self”. I was filled with romantic images of floaty white dresses, angel wings, and perhaps a sprinkling of celestial glitter. Possessing no such things in my wardrobe, I headed to the fancy-dress shop located conveniently a street from my house. There indeed I found lovely angels’ wings, bright white gossamer feathers wrapped in plastic. Just as I was about to purchase the wings, I caught sight of other wings tucked at the back of the rack… shiny black ones that suddenly felt far more exciting than angelic white. And then it hit me- I would go as Lilith!

And so, among the halos and priestly white robes, Lilith and I sipped wine with the saints, dressed in black lace and racy animal prints, fluttering velvet black wings, and feeling just a bit wicked.

Although this may seem like a random event, as these things go, symbolically it happened to be very significant…

A few weeks later I became curious about why I had a sudden urge to dress as Lilith. I looked up the astrology, and lo-and -behold- on that day Black moon Lilith was exactly conjunction my natal Sun at 17 degrees Capricorn.

I was already aware of the mythology of Lilith… Adam’s feisty first wife, the demonic seductress, succubus, child-killer…  I was aware too of the Lilith points in astrology- not one point but several points indicating how indefinable and uncategorised her archetype is. But since that day my relationship with Lilith opened to a deeper level and I came to understand that she represents the exiled feminine as it exists in each individual and in society.

I knew I had black moon Lilith (true and mean on the same degree) conjunct my natal moon, Uranus and IC, but what I didn’t know is that my grandmother also has Black Moon Lilith (true and mean on the same degree) conjunct her moon too.

More… my grandmother’s asteroid Lilith is conjunct my ascendant by one degree, and her dark moon Lilith is exactly conjunct my Black Moon Lilith- Moon-Uranus-IC.

These astrological degrees have become important in trying to piece together the story of my mother-line so much of which is shrouded in secrets, lies, and shadows.

Sad to say that my grandmother is one of the most exiled feminine figures that I have ever known and when I acknowledged my own banished aspects it became clear that some of the clothes hanging among the skeletons in my closet were cut from the same cloth as hers.

The shadows that had haunted my grandmother’s life, the ghosts of the undead, still roamed through the labyrinth of my psyche.

The Lilith journey is a long and often painful one. In my case, it begins with my great grandmother who died while giving birth to my grandmother. Details of my great grand mother’s life were so elusive that we didn’t even know her name, and since my grandmother-an only child- died in 1990, there was no one left to ask.

In 2014 my mother uncovered some information that finally revealed my great grandmother’s name- Jane Laurie. We discovered that she’d had been from a ‘rag and bone’ family in the east of Glasgow at the turn of the 20th century. This information prompted me to look into the story of the rag and bone families in Glasgow and I found that there is a possible Romani connection. Many of the gypsy families settled in large cities and tried to make a living from buying and selling bits and pieces, often metal. They used animal bones to make glue and fuel, and worked their rounds by horse and cart. I’m sure it was a hard life though I also sense there were freedoms too.

In Scotland, as in England, an act was passed by parliament in 1609, “Act against the Egyptians”, which made it lawful to condemn, detain and execute gypsies if they were known or reputed to be ethically Romani. Until that time there is evidence to suggest that gypsies of low-land Scotland had their own royal heritage and king – the last Romani king of Scotland died in1902.

I don’t know for sure if Jane and her family were of Romani descent, but it is an interesting story, and like the persecution of the witches of the same era it is an entirely Lilith story.

Wherever there is persecution of any sort, there too is Lilith.

My grandmother, motherless from birth, and living in poverty lived a chaotic and difficult life that ended in an early death. Among the details of her story are several marriages, alcohol addiction, incarceration, mental illness, and abuse.

I was seven years old before I met her and after hearing how terrible she was I had expected to be confronted by nothing short of a freakish outcast. She was spoken about in hushed voices with a mix of terror and shame. She and my mother had been estranged for many years and she was almost a taboo subject in out house.  And yet, my grandmother was a gentle soul, vulnerable, lacking in boundaries and strong sense of self so that she was often taken advantage of (and worse) by what appeared to be a string of unsavoury characters. At least, the story goes, this was her life after her husband, my grandfather died at the age of 27 when my mother was only 5 years old.

She like many working-class women of the 1950’s was given a mental health label- schizophrenia- possibly one of the most stigmatized and misunderstood conditions in psychiatry. Today the equivalent appears to be Border Line Personality Disorder, given liberally to difficult or damaged women of the working classes. To my mind these are often abused women as my grandmother was… Lilith is whispering in the wind.

This is the story of the exiled feminine, the persecutions and incarcerations that were never talked about and therefore never healed. The legacy is passed on through the maternal lines as inherited, or inter-generational trauma until someone in the family finally clears the ancestral field and acknowledges what happened.

Lilith is restless, she will not be subdued. In the astrology chart she shows us where to look to identify our exiled and fragmented parts. While she may be cavorting in a desert on the other side of Eden in the Hebrew bible, she also exists in the repressed and forgotten parts of ourselves that lay trapped in our body and psyche. She is the contraction we feel in our muscles when the flight, fight or freeze impulse is triggered in us; she is the armouring suffocating our cells preventing renewal and a sense of cohesion; she is the addiction; the depression; the hardened mask of Medusa that can turn others to stone.

Finally, Lilith is the one who can set us free from our bondage and liberate us into our original essence. She herself is not the healer though she is the way-shower. Once we have accepted what Lilith has revealed to us it is left to another archetype- Chariklo- to offer the healing balm that will finally bring our wild and broken parts home.

Chariklo whose name means ‘graceful spinner’ has entered my life in a softer but no less synchronistic way as she was conjunct my natal Sun in December 2018 when I was researching material for the women’s moon lodge.

Chariklo, Lilith & our Mother’s Mother: New Moon in Aquarius.

New moon chart- 24/01/20- 21.42- GMT- 4 degrees of Aquarius.

Pluto 23 Capricorn

Saturn 24 Capricorn

Chariklo 25 Capricorn

Black Moon Lilith (true and mean) 3 Aries

Chiron 2 Aries

Sabian symbol for sun/moon conjunction-

“Every individual is far more dependent upon the strengths of their ancestors’ achievements – or oppressed by their failures- as they usually believe.”

In this new moon chart I am focusing on the Lilith/Chiron conjunction at 3 degrees of Aries, and the Chariklo/Saturn/Pluto conjunction in Capricorn.

In the chart – based on the UK- Black Moon Lilith is in the 7th house- house of relationships.

Black moon Lilith (both true and mean) has a tiny Lilith ‘corridor’ (6 minutes) which intensifies Lilith energies and may invoke instant manifestation of Lilith-like issues- the exiled parts of feminine consciousness.

Black moon Lilith has to do with our bio-emotional-physical experience where we are receptive to subtle energies and currents as they move through our physical, emotional and psychic being, as well as our environment and on the astral planes.

In the house of relationship conjunct Chiron this speaks to the possible ways in which we are wounded in our personal and intimate relationships and how we store these experiences/memories in our body… often this pattern was set-up in childhood. Understanding this is not a rational process and cannot be worked out by the mind or by talking alone, it a deeply visceral experience that is instinctual in nature and has to do with the ways our nervous system has been wired or programmed.

If there are deep rooted bio-psychological issues laying unresolved in our nervous system, such as abandonment or abuse, healing can feel elusive at a times impossible (Chiron). However through the process of loving awareness and consciousness- not necessarily mental awareness- these deeply buried wounds in our cells and tissue can finally be released. This is the healing of the ‘Chironic Wound’- it may never be fully erased but in time we can experience a deeper understanding of the instinctual processes driving us and bring in more light & consciousness.

This is where Charilko comes in and takes the healing a step further. In the new moon chart Chariklo is conjunct Pluto and Saturn at 25 degrees of Capricorn. As the wife of Chiron, Chariklo- whose name means ‘graceful spinner’- is the divine feminine, weaving her healing magic through love, forgiveness and compassion.

Chariklo tells us we cannot heal our deepest soul wounds with reason or will alone, it is the quality of grace… divine grace, that can initiate us into this process of transformation.

Chariklo insists that we no longer blame anybody else for our wounds and suffering. She shows us that everybody is operating according to their soul imprints- and in this knowledge we can finally offer forgiveness.  But it does not mean that we continue to allow ourselves to be adversely affected by toxic or transgressive behaviours- we learn to forgive but we also learn to set strong protective and self-loving boundaries… we can love and administer grace and compassion without being subjected to another’s will, misfortune or abuse.

Chariklo takes us to the void, to the wounded instinctual places where we may call in a higher spiritual power and where we are assisted by the grace of divine will. When the life sustaining and rejuvenating principle is operating through us, we are no longer at the mercy of other people as our main source of nourishment and validation, and less likely to tolerate, or engage in harmful behaviours and attitudes.

Working with the energy of Chariklo we are involved in the mystical processes of self-care and self-love, consciously inviting the divine feminine into our lives.

With the focus on ancestral influence in this new moon’s point of Aquarius, we are called to acknowledge how patterns of trauma and wounding may have been passed down through our lineage.

As Aquarius is the water bearer, what are we being asked to bear for our ancestors and our lineages?

Healing these patterns is a shamanic process, a rich layering of past & present, inner & outer.

I am currently reading a book by Mark Wolynn about inherited family trauma- the author says that how we love or relate to our intimate partner is how our mother was related to as a child in her family home, and possibly even how her mother, our grandmother, was raised.

As the Pluto/Saturn conjunction continues to dismantle outmoded structures we may be called to take a candid look at the structures we have woven and set up for ourselves in our own lives. What are the driving forces behind these impulses and motivations? Are we creating our lives from a place of health and integration, or unaddressed dynamics and learned patterns?

Tonight’s dark moon is an excellent time to consider these points.

If you would like an astrology consultation to discover how asteroid Chariklo or Black Moon Lilith moves in your life, please contact me- karen@redspiral.co.uk