Dark side of the moon, Lord of karma…and a sprinkling of grace

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In my last blog I spoke about the healing opportunity that Dark Moon Lilith (22-degrees of Capricorn) conjunct Pluto (24-degrees of Capricorn) brings this new moon. I also highlighted the conjunction between Black Moon Lilith (1-degree of Aries), and Chiron (3-degrees of Aries).

In this blog-also about the February new moon- I want to focus on another powerful aspect: Saturn conjunct Chariklo at 27-degrees of Capricorn.

The stellium in Capricorn on Sunday 23 February looks like this-

Dark Moon Lilith 22 Capricorn

Pluto 24 Capricorn

Chariklo 27 Capricorn

Saturn 27 Capricorn

While Pluto Lord of the underworld (unconscious) has managed to catch wild wind spirit Lilith and taken her to his lair, Chariklo, the graceful spinner infuses the scene with a touch of feminine divinity and old man Saturn, Lord of karma over-sees the whole affair.

Quite a play on the cosmic stage as these powerful archetypal energies take their respective positions in the unveiling of the next lunar cycle.

Step forward Dark Moon Lilith-

In my previous blog I wrote about DML representing the exiled parts of us that have become split off from our core self. She is the rejected part of our feminine nature that can cause all sorts of havoc while she is unacknowledged and unintegrated. The wild one out beyond the bounds of civilised convention and social niceties, she terrorises the fantasies of men and refuses any form of submission.

Depending on where she is located in our natal chart DML can act out in any number of dangerous or ‘bad’ ways causing destruction to ourselves and those around us- or it may be where we carry the collective or family shadow or are scapegoated in some way. Lilith in us is most noticeable to others in her Dark Moon aspect and they may see this in us even while we ourselves are blind.

As elusive and untameable as she is DML is no match for Pluto- for no one, not even the most ardent renegade can escape his deathly clutches. Erupting through the barren crust of Lilith’s playground-a desert somewhere out beyond the Red Sea- he has abducted Lilith and taken her to Hades for a thorough stripping and alchemical cooking in the fires of the underworld.

Sinking down through the layers of the psyche Pluto shines a light on the dark side of the moon exposing all that has previously been hidden. This may reveal why Lilith has been raging for so long. “What ails thee dark queen?”.

Let me just say at this point- to imagine that Lilith is going to be appeased or pacified by a positive affirmation or week long forgiveness retreat is foolish and unwise- no amount of new age tricks and by-passing will allay her desolation, no amount of psychotherapeutic rationalism will explain her torment, and forgiveness is futile while the flames of her rage rip through the white-washed buildings of patriarchy.

Dark Moon Lilith is the receptacle of millennia of abuse against the feminine. Someone said it best when she said- “You can’t keep the goddess in the basement for thousands of years with duck-tape over her mouth and expect her to be smiling when she is released. Right! Nor should we expect her to be wearing Max Factor lipstick or sport a nice hairdo. Indeed, she’s not going to be in the least bit civilised. Similarly, if and when Lilith gives up her wilderness abode and crosses the boundary back into Civyy street, she’s unlikely to uphold any codes of moral conduct or etiquette imposed to enable a safe life of denial- for Lilith more than anything demands authenticity.

When someone begins to integrate their Dark Moon Lilith, the nice, pleasing person you thought you knew and loved may cast off her coat of chain mail and liberate herself into the naked truth. As the links of oppression and denial clink to the floor one by one, depending on where you are on your own Lilith journey (radical authenticity) you might turn for the hills and run. But Lilith has so much to show us if we can stand the heat. Lilith is in fact the guardian of our heart for once she is liberated, all that has previously obscured and blocked our connection to our heart (our wounds) falls away and there is nothing left but truth- and maybe in the end the only truth is love.

I am sure everyone has a Lilith story to greater or lesser degrees- and this is probably the degree to which the ‘Lilith Lines’ run through our tribal and family histories, expressed as ancestral or inter-generational trauma.

In the realm of Lilith, we are not only dealing with our own personal story of rejection, scapegoating, denial, or abuse, it is the point where we tap into the whole story of corruption of the feminine… it’s going to hurt.

Exposing and facing the wound of Lilith is not easy and because of this she continues to be locked in exile from one generation to another until finally someone in the family field is able to witness and release her.

But beneath Lilith’s rage and demonic ways is a soft and very vulnerable part that has never felt safe enough to show herself.

Pluto conjunct Dark Moon Lilith opens a gateway into these depths, though I would say if this is the journey you are currently on it would be wise to find some good and trustworthy support for yourself.

And…fear not…there is a point of redemption!

Chariklo, the female centaur and wife of Chiron offers her healing balm at this time. Exactly conjunct Saturn at 27-degrees Capricorn, and so also conjunct Pluto and DML, Chariklo brings a higher perspective of the painful human dynamics we find, or have found, ourselves in.

When we can raise ourselves above the never-ending drama of our lives to see the bigger picture and free ourselves from the conditioning and self-sabotaging beliefs we inherited or have carried forward, we may see that every difficult relationship, or dysfunctional behaviour facilitated our break-through from the imprisonment of the mind.

Like her husband Chiron, Chariklo shows us that what we previously considered as our wounds or curses are in the end a gift- and what Chariklo ultimately offers is the gift of love.

Fortunately, Chariklo stays close to both Pluto and Saturn through the conjunction right up until 2022. This really is a blessing- tuning into the qualities of Chariklo might just save us from suffocating in the chasms of duality- right/wrong, good/evil which leads to further separation and illusion. Forgiveness is needed but forgiveness can’t just be magicked into existence with a course in CBT- these roots run deep.

And what of Saturn taking account of all this melodrama? For me his role in this is two-fold:

First, he insists on asking us to account for how all of this translates in the real world- the here and now, and the day-to day reality of our existence. He may be asking us to create strong boundaries, to call time on a particular relationship, to finally set in motion the concrete things needed to execute a plan, or he may confront us with our human limitations.

On the other hand, issues of karma may be surfacing at this time as we contemplate why we find ourselves in the same situations over and over again. Why do we keep on attracting the same dynamics in our relationships, financial situations, health?

Karmic relationships have a way of appearing in our life to help us re-connect our relationship to ourselves and to Source. They show us how to untangle from toxic and damaging behaviours that keep us split off and disconnected… just like Lilith in the wilds.

Ultimately, it is never about the other person- we are but actors in each other’s play, holding up the mirror and showing, sometimes through the most unendurable pain, where we have turned our back on God- or Goddess- or any other term for the ineffable mystery that we may just glimpse on surrendering our need to be right, or to know, or to always be in control.

In a way Dark Moon Lilith is the place of unrelenting control that will stop at nothing before total destruction…  if she remains unacknowledged.

Oh, but that’s a tough step- it’s really hard to accept the shadow in oneself. Really, we would much rather show ourselves as competent, in control, sophisticated and light filled beings- no one wants the mess. But let’s face it, don’t we keep spilling the mess into our lives anyway, leaving to varying degrees trail of destruction- whether that be on the personal or collective level?

This is where the relationship between Lilith and Saturn is important- until we heal our deepest wounds, we will naturally keep on manifesting them in order to finally understand them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Freeing Lilith

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February’s new moon occurring on Sunday 23 February at 15.32 GMT has the potential to unlock the door to hidden, repressed or exiled parts of our individual psyche, and in the collective unconscious.

Our banished parts will not lay dormant or be silenced forever and in spite of our best efforts to repress them, like hardy weeds, eventually they poke up through the concrete, straining toward the life-giving properties of the sun (consciousness). And while the weed killers on offer in our current culture may be strong and seductive, they can never fully eclipse the soul’s desire for wholeness.

While the banished parts of us demand to be acknowledged and integrated, like a good family constellation everything and everyone must be included in the bigger picture- for the story is only half told without all the factors.

But we keep trying to lock up the more problematic parts of ourselves in the basement, to not talk about them, to destroy the evidence and use any number of tactics to stay in control. Often the ego will stop at nothing to this end. This is not possible with Lilith. She refuses to collude with any subterfuge of ours, or anybody else’s making. She systematically closes off all avenues that lead to the false self. She persistently shows us the pathways to authenticity even while it hurts and at times it may feel that we are becoming lost in the wilderness. And even while old memories from past lives burn brightly in our unconscious, still she insists on our liberation from any form of imprisonment.

This process is happening on an individual level but it is also happening in the collective, and this new moon offers extra facilitation if we are willing to get real with ourselves.

Freeing Lilith is an inside job, no one is going to give us permission.

Here are the new moon aspects:

Chiron at 3 Aries conjunct Black Moon Lilith (true) at 1 Aries

Dark Moon Lilith at 22 Capricorn conjunct Pluto at 24 Capricorn

What do you get when you cross Lilith with Pluto and Chiron? Deep transformational healing and a chance to own our rejected parts.

In astrology charts I think of the triple placements of Lilith as one process with three stages

  1. Asteroid Lilith is the only physical body of Lilith. I feel it represents our original feminine essence before the abandoned parts of ourselves that were deemed unacceptable were sent into exile. Note this is often where we are powerful and therefore threatening.
  2. Dark Moon Lilith or Waldemath is the expression of the exiled and rejected parts  now split off from our core self and acting out in destructive and unintegrated ‘Lilith-like’ ways. Depending on where we have that point in our chart will describe the ways we are likely to act out or be projected on (it is also the place where we may be scapegoated by others- or asked to carry the collective shadow). In all likelihood we are already acting out that shadow through our own unconscious wounding and defensive behaviour. Dark Moon Lilith in our lives can manifest in many ways such as angry, cold, bitchy, promiscuous, self-destructive, violent, addictive, chaotic, unstable. The danger here is being trapped in a perpetual expression of a destructive and unintegrated Lilith so that we come to believe that is who we are or that we are irreparably damaged.
  3. Black Moon Lilith is the point of redemption and healing through which we may heal our Lilith wound and reclaim the exiled parts of ourselves. This is a deeply visceral process in which we literally release trapped or frozen aspects of our psyche and reintegrate them into the wholeness of our being. It is not that we return to our original feminine essence, it is more that we experience a renaissance of feminine consciousness based on the Lilith journey that have taken. This is nothing short of a rebirth of the divine feminine.

Black Moon Lilith conjunct Chiron in Aries-

This placement can facilitate deep soul healing. Chiron is the wounded healer while Lilith is the exiled and repressed parts of ourselves that need to be brought back into consciousness by releasing blocked and repressed energy stuck in our tissue, cells and psyche. Both Chiron and Black Moon Lilith operate on the level of instinct.

During this conjunction it is a good time to find the methods, modalities and people who have the know-how, wisdom, or vibration that can help us release stagnant energy. Body work, cranio- sacral therapy, breathwork and any other modality that works with the body/mind connection is good, as is shamanic practices such as soul retrieval.

Given that this placement in Aries methods that are dynamic and work on the level of instinctual awareness and/or the active principle is going to be effective. Energetic dancing, shaking, trance dance, any of these practices are beneficial at this time.

Dark Moon Lilith Conjunct Pluto in Capricorn-

To heal our Dark Moon Lilith we first of all have to become aware of Her. Looking at the inner demoness is not always easy and sometimes we just plain refuse to see Her. But here’s a clue… if other people are projecting something of this dark feminine vibe onto you, you can be sure you carry a corresponding wound. The tricky thing about Dark Moon Lilith is that because we have been wounded, we often feel our behaviour is justified in protecting ourselves form further wounding. Ultimately though this is self-sabotaging because not only does it harm those around us, it also cuts off our potential for fulfilling, healthy and intimate relationships. This only serves to reinforce our feelings of rejection and alienation. Dark Moon Lilith has a resonance with Medusa, the serpent headed gorgon who has the anti-gift of turning others to stone just by her gaze.

With Pluto and DML we may be taken right down into the depths of our soul to understand what has happened and why we are so hurt. Lord of the underworld- the great transformer- can shine a light on even the darkest recesses if we are willing to make the descent and face our demons.

Dream journaling, art, automatic writing are all good tools to connect with the unconscious this dark moon- and any dark moon time.

Individually our soul is pulling down the veil while collectively we are being asked to challenge the safe illusions that we have created in order to protect ourselves from the painful truth of our behaviours.

Together, Lilith, Chiron and Pluto offer a hand in leading us to painful but ultimately redemptive places.

 

 

Hunter & The Hunted: Dejanira & Nessus

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The Rape of Dejanira- Guido Reni

February’s full moon in Leo occurring at 07.33 GMT opens a gateway into a theme which is constantly discussed and often misunderstood –  the dynamics of the abused and the abuser.

This may seem like a surprising comment given that our social media and psycho-spiritual channels are currently saturated with information on how to identify and over-come toxic and damaging ways of relating. Particularly in the field of personality disorders, NPD, or narcissistic personality disorder has claimed the hotspot in being the new evil incarnate. Podcasts, YouTube videos, talks, seminars, books and films readily expose and condemn the diabolical indicators of that new breed of human- the ‘Narc’.

But it’s not only NPD that is being exposed in an attempt to better understand the inner workings of abusive relationships, and as one thing can’t exist without the other, it becomes apparent that there can be no abuser without a victim to abuse. Co-dependents, sufferers of PTSD, border-liners, empaths, and an array of increasingly complex personality disordered behaviour comes under the sway of psychotherapy in an attempt to understand why we humans are so challenged and dysfunctional in our intimate relating.

It’s little wonder that these matters-especially issues of abuser and perpetrator-should occupy much of our interest these days, after all we are under a Saturn Pluto conjunction which in itself is undoubtedly bringing issues of power, abuse of power, and the exposure of hidden things to the surface.

But under this full moon we also have the added intensity of asteroid Nessus exactly conjunct asteroid Dejanira at 9 degrees of Pisces.

Let me explain…

In Greek mythology Dejanira who was a Calydonian princess and whose name translates as “man-destroyer” or “destroyer of her husband” has become synonymous in astrology with the victim archetype.

Here is her story-

One day Dejanira, the wife of Hercules, wanted to cross the river Euenos and was offered a lift by the centaur Nessus who invited her to hop on his back while her ferried her over the water. Dejanira, grateful for the offer accepts the invitation but halfway across the centaur attempts to rape her. The scene is witnessed by Hercules who standing on the opposite riverbank promptly raises his bow and shoots Nessus with a poisonous arrow. Before his imminent death Nessus tricks Dejanira by exploiting her worst fears and deepest insecurities, namely the infidelities of her husband which may eventually lead to her abandonment.

The cunning Nessus draws Dejanira into a ruse that enables him to inflict revenge on his adversary Hercules from beyond the grave. He offers Dejanira a sample of his blood telling her that if she ever fears abandonment by Hercules, she should smear the blood on him thus ensuring his fidelity and lasting commitment.

When Hercules-who was well known for fathering children all over Greece- falls in love with Iola, it is more than Dejanira can bear, and desperately fearing abandonment she places a little of the centaur’s poisonous blood on her husband’s famous lion-skin shirt causing his skin to burn instantly. In great pain Hercules jumps into a nearby funeral pyre, and stricken with grief Dejanira takes her own life shortly after. A tragic tale indeed!

In astrology, the position of Dejanira indicates our susceptibility to abuse or the places we feel vulnerable to abuse. Nessus points to our potential abusive or predatory tendencies. In synastry charts where couples have these asteroids in hard aspect issues of abuse and sometimes dangerous liaisons, are highlighted- although this is not always the case and layers of complexity refuse any forgone conclusions.

Clues to the complexity of this duo are to be found in the myth itself. Firstly, why is Dejanira so riddled with insecurity to begin with? While it is clear that she has married a philandering husband, what is not clear is what drives her- a princess- into a situation where she is repeatedly disrespected.

And what of Nessus’s revenge from beyond the grave? This speaks of legacies, feuds, and unresolved issues passed down through lifetimes. There is no redemption in this story, everyone ends up dead. But at least then there is a sense that the feud, or curse, or bad blood has finally come to an end.

In her desperate love of her husband, Dejanira’s fears are more than realised in the demise of both of them.

Astrologer Melanie Reinhart relates Nessus issues to sexuality, death, revenge and jealousy, and says that it has to with abuse of power and has ancestral implications.

But Nessus also offers the possibility of reprieve and breaking of the toxic ties for good. As Melanie says of Nessus, ‘the buck stops here’.

 “It seems that Nessus brings opportunities to understand and release deep patterns of helplessness, being taken advantage of, and being oppressed. Nessus processes really do seem to end the unfathomable ties that bind us to people, places, and situations.”

First though we have to understand how these processes operate in our lives. Have you ever found yourself at the end, or in the middle of an intensely difficult relationship scouring books and the internet for information in a desperate attempt to understand what the hell is going on, only to find yourself staring in the mirror wondering if you are the abused or the abuser? And if we accept that we have unwittingly got ourselves involved with (yet another) narcissist, or psychopath, or crazy lady does it not necessitate a deep probing into our own core wounding to ask why we would allow that? Afterall, emotionally healthy people do not invite nor stay in unhealthy relationships.

And in touching our core wounds and travelling back through our psychic timeline can we see where the pattern began, the place where the psychic fingerprints of our father or mother, and their father and mother left marks on our fledgling soul? And then further back down the ancestral line can we identify the patterns of abuse, or unlove, or hidden things whose shadow grows bigger with each generation that refuses to acknowledge it… until the buck stops here- with you.

But this is no small feat and overcoming intergenerational trauma requires more than just personal will and cognitive understanding. Healing wounds of the soul requires spiritual grace, love, forgiveness and compassion- centauress Chariklo can point us in this direction.

African writer and healer Patrice Malidoma say that what we think of as a curse is really the legacy of unlove. What curses live in the rivers of our families’ crossing from lifetime to lifetime? What betrayals wait in the inner sanctums of our homes? And where did it all begin?

These are sacred wounds, they are ours and yet they are not only ours, they belong also to our ancestors as they belong to our culture and societies.

The myth of Dejanira provides an archetypal lens through which we can explore issues of the abused and the abuser. It is too easy to blame the other. Often we form relationships with those souls who are precisely able to draw stagnant waters form our deepest well.

Like in the myth of Dejanira these poisons are carried in the blood from generation to generation until someone, usually after a great deal of trauma, decides to confront the family skeletons and clears the ancestral field.

Often the kind of relationships that are able to facilitate this holy healing are in the end just too difficult to sustain, though hopefully along the way we bring each other closer to a state of grace where we can finally let go of blame and the ultimately unrealistic polarity of abuser and abused.

Looking at the placements of Dejanira and Nessus in your own chart-and if you have them the charts of your parents- is hugely beneficial in identifying the family curse.

Dejanira’s killing of her husband is unmeditated and accidental but it is from her own deep wounds and insecurities that she destroys her husband and herself.

As I’ve been writing this blog a song from the 80’s has been rolling around in my head- Hunter and the Hunted by Simple Minds-

 

 

 

 

The Lilith Lines

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Lilith by Tom Bagshaw

I think of Lilith’s influence as ancestral lines, or mother-lines, coiling threads of black light through time and space… serpentine movement in the spirals of our DNA swimming in deep waters far below conscious awareness.

Every once in a while I feel her hot breath as I wrestle in feverish sleep, trapped memories trying to break free from frozen tissue.  I call out to her. I try to talk with her, to hear her, make her listen, tell her to come home…  but I make no sound save for a few incoherent mutterings and groans.

Like Ereshkigal deep in her kingdom of darkness, Lilith is uncompromising and demands sacrifice… the sacrifice of the false self.

Sometimes it seems that I need only follow her across the threshold to the liminal space where she dwells. I set out, holding onto the line that she has cast to me from the other side where all the lost souls and unborn babies roam… a world created from the abandoned memories that refuse to be silenced.

In 2016 Lilith gate-crashed my life in an uncanny way. It was September 11th and I was thinking about what to wear to a friend’s 50th birthday party. The invitation was enticing… “Come as your higher self”. I was filled with romantic images of floaty white dresses, angel wings, and perhaps a sprinkling of celestial glitter. Possessing no such things in my wardrobe, I headed to the fancy-dress shop located conveniently a street from my house. There indeed I found lovely angels’ wings, bright white gossamer feathers wrapped in plastic. Just as I was about to purchase the wings, I caught sight of other wings tucked at the back of the rack… shiny black ones that suddenly felt far more exciting than angelic white. And then it hit me- I would go as Lilith!

And so, among the halos and priestly white robes, Lilith and I sipped wine with the saints, dressed in black lace and racy animal prints, fluttering velvet black wings, and feeling just a bit wicked.

Although this may seem like a random event, as these things go, symbolically it happened to be very significant…

A few weeks later I became curious about why I had a sudden urge to dress as Lilith. I looked up the astrology, and lo-and -behold- on that day Black moon Lilith was exactly conjunction my natal Sun at 17 degrees Capricorn.

I was already aware of the mythology of Lilith… Adam’s feisty first wife, the demonic seductress, succubus, child-killer…  I was aware too of the Lilith points in astrology- not one point but several points indicating how indefinable and uncategorised her archetype is. But since that day my relationship with Lilith opened to a deeper level and I came to understand that she represents the exiled feminine as it exists in each individual and in society.

I knew I had black moon Lilith (true and mean on the same degree) conjunct my natal moon, Uranus and IC, but what I didn’t know is that my grandmother also has Black Moon Lilith (true and mean on the same degree) conjunct her moon too.

More… my grandmother’s asteroid Lilith is conjunct my ascendant by one degree, and her dark moon Lilith is exactly conjunct my Black Moon Lilith- Moon-Uranus-IC.

These astrological degrees have become important in trying to piece together the story of my mother-line so much of which is shrouded in secrets, lies, and shadows.

Sad to say that my grandmother is one of the most exiled feminine figures that I have ever known and when I acknowledged my own banished aspects it became clear that some of the clothes hanging among the skeletons in my closet were cut from the same cloth as hers.

The shadows that had haunted my grandmother’s life, the ghosts of the undead, still roamed through the labyrinth of my psyche.

The Lilith journey is a long and often painful one. In my case, it begins with my great grandmother who died while giving birth to my grandmother. Details of my great grand mother’s life were so elusive that we didn’t even know her name, and since my grandmother-an only child- died in 1990, there was no one left to ask.

In 2014 my mother uncovered some information that finally revealed my great grandmother’s name- Jane Laurie. We discovered that she’d had been from a ‘rag and bone’ family in the east of Glasgow at the turn of the 20th century. This information prompted me to look into the story of the rag and bone families in Glasgow and I found that there is a possible Romani connection. Many of the gypsy families settled in large cities and tried to make a living from buying and selling bits and pieces, often metal. They used animal bones to make glue and fuel, and worked their rounds by horse and cart. I’m sure it was a hard life though I also sense there were freedoms too.

In Scotland, as in England, an act was passed by parliament in 1609, “Act against the Egyptians”, which made it lawful to condemn, detain and execute gypsies if they were known or reputed to be ethically Romani. Until that time there is evidence to suggest that gypsies of low-land Scotland had their own royal heritage and king – the last Romani king of Scotland died in1902.

I don’t know for sure if Jane and her family were of Romani descent, but it is an interesting story, and like the persecution of the witches of the same era it is an entirely Lilith story.

Wherever there is persecution of any sort, there too is Lilith.

My grandmother, motherless from birth, and living in poverty lived a chaotic and difficult life that ended in an early death. Among the details of her story are several marriages, alcohol addiction, incarceration, mental illness, and abuse.

I was seven years old before I met her and after hearing how terrible she was I had expected to be confronted by nothing short of a freakish outcast. She was spoken about in hushed voices with a mix of terror and shame. She and my mother had been estranged for many years and she was almost a taboo subject in out house.  And yet, my grandmother was a gentle soul, vulnerable, lacking in boundaries and strong sense of self so that she was often taken advantage of (and worse) by what appeared to be a string of unsavoury characters. At least, the story goes, this was her life after her husband, my grandfather died at the age of 27 when my mother was only 5 years old.

She like many working-class women of the 1950’s was given a mental health label- schizophrenia- possibly one of the most stigmatized and misunderstood conditions in psychiatry. Today the equivalent appears to be Border Line Personality Disorder, given liberally to difficult or damaged women of the working classes. To my mind these are often abused women as my grandmother was… Lilith is whispering in the wind.

This is the story of the exiled feminine, the persecutions and incarcerations that were never talked about and therefore never healed. The legacy is passed on through the maternal lines as inherited, or inter-generational trauma until someone in the family finally clears the ancestral field and acknowledges what happened.

Lilith is restless, she will not be subdued. In the astrology chart she shows us where to look to identify our exiled and fragmented parts. While she may be cavorting in a desert on the other side of Eden in the Hebrew bible, she also exists in the repressed and forgotten parts of ourselves that lay trapped in our body and psyche. She is the contraction we feel in our muscles when the flight, fight or freeze impulse is triggered in us; she is the armouring suffocating our cells preventing renewal and a sense of cohesion; she is the addiction; the depression; the hardened mask of Medusa that can turn others to stone.

Finally, Lilith is the one who can set us free from our bondage and liberate us into our original essence. She herself is not the healer though she is the way-shower. Once we have accepted what Lilith has revealed to us it is left to another archetype- Chariklo- to offer the healing balm that will finally bring our wild and broken parts home.

Chariklo whose name means ‘graceful spinner’ has entered my life in a softer but no less synchronistic way as she was conjunct my natal Sun in December 2018 when I was researching material for the women’s moon lodge.

Chariklo, Lilith & our Mother’s Mother: New Moon in Aquarius.

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New moon chart- 24/01/20- 21.42- GMT- 4 degrees of Aquarius.

Pluto 23 Capricorn

Saturn 24 Capricorn

Chariklo 25 Capricorn

Black Moon Lilith (true and mean) 3 Aries

Chiron 2 Aries

Sabian symbol for sun/moon conjunction-

“Every individual is far more dependent upon the strengths of their ancestors’ achievements – or oppressed by their failures- as they usually believe.”

In this new moon chart I am focusing on the Lilith/Chiron conjunction at 3 degrees of Aries, and the Chariklo/Saturn/Pluto conjunction in Capricorn.

In the chart – based on the UK- Black Moon Lilith is in the 7th house- house of relationships.

Black moon Lilith (both true and mean) has a tiny Lilith ‘corridor’ (6 minutes) which intensifies Lilith energies and may invoke instant manifestation of Lilith-like issues- the exiled parts of feminine consciousness.

Black moon Lilith has to do with our bio-emotional-physical experience where we are receptive to subtle energies and currents as they move through our physical, emotional and psychic being, as well as our environment and on the astral planes.

In the house of relationship conjunct Chiron this speaks to the possible ways in which we are wounded in our personal and intimate relationships and how we store these experiences/memories in our body… often this pattern was set-up in childhood. Understanding this is not a rational process and cannot be worked out by the mind or by talking alone, it a deeply visceral experience that is instinctual in nature and has to do with the ways our nervous system has been wired or programmed.

If there are deep rooted bio-psychological issues laying unresolved in our nervous system, such as abandonment or abuse, healing can feel elusive at a times impossible (Chiron). However through the process of loving awareness and consciousness- not necessarily mental awareness- these deeply buried wounds in our cells and tissue can finally be released. This is the healing of the ‘Chironic Wound’- it may never be fully erased but in time we can experience a deeper understanding of the instinctual processes driving us and bring in more light & consciousness.

This is where Charilko comes in and takes the healing a step further. In the new moon chart Chariklo is conjunct Pluto and Saturn at 25 degrees of Capricorn. As the wife of Chiron, Chariklo- whose name means ‘graceful spinner’- is the divine feminine, weaving her healing magic through love, forgiveness and compassion.

Chariklo tells us we cannot heal our deepest soul wounds with reason or will alone, it is the quality of grace… divine grace, that can initiate us into this process of transformation.

Chariklo insists that we no longer blame anybody else for our wounds and suffering. She shows us that everybody is operating according to their soul imprints- and in this knowledge we can finally offer forgiveness.  But it does not mean that we continue to allow ourselves to be adversely affected by toxic or transgressive behaviours- we learn to forgive but we also learn to set strong protective and self-loving boundaries… we can love and administer grace and compassion without being subjected to another’s will, misfortune or abuse.

Chariklo takes us to the void, to the wounded instinctual places where we may call in a higher spiritual power and where we are assisted by the grace of divine will. When the life sustaining and rejuvenating principle is operating through us, we are no longer at the mercy of other people as our main source of nourishment and validation, and less likely to tolerate, or engage in harmful behaviours and attitudes.

Working with the energy of Chariklo we are involved in the mystical processes of self-care and self-love, consciously inviting the divine feminine into our lives.

With the focus on ancestral influence in this new moon’s point of Aquarius, we are called to acknowledge how patterns of trauma and wounding may have been passed down through our lineage.

As Aquarius is the water bearer, what are we being asked to bear for our ancestors and our lineages?

Healing these patterns is a shamanic process, a rich layering of past & present, inner & outer.

I am currently reading a book by Mark Wolynn about inherited family trauma- the author says that how we love or relate to our intimate partner is how our mother was related to as a child in her family home, and possibly even how her mother, our grandmother, was raised.

As the Pluto/Saturn conjunction continues to dismantle outmoded structures we may be called to take a candid look at the structures we have woven and set up for ourselves in our own lives. What are the driving forces behind these impulses and motivations? Are we creating our lives from a place of health and integration, or unaddressed dynamics and learned patterns?

Tonight’s dark moon is an excellent time to consider these points.

If you would like an astrology consultation to discover how asteroid Chariklo or Black Moon Lilith moves in your life, please contact me- karen@redspiral.co.uk

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aquarian Woman- The Higher Love

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Image by Tashina Suzuki

The next new moon is on Friday 24 January, at 21.42 GMT when the Sun & Moon are positioned at 4 degrees of Aquarius.

The sabian symbol for this degree reads:

“A COUNCIL OF ANCESTORS IS SEEN IMPLEMENTING THE EFFORTS OF A YOUNG LEADER.

KEYNOTE: The Root foundation of past performances which power and sustain whatever decision is made in a crisis by an individual.

The whole past of mankind stands behind any individual effort, especially in times of critical decisions.”

By the end of this year we will see Jupiter and Saturn moving into the zodiacal sign of Aquarius heralding another major shift in consciousness- in this case from the element of earth to air- a new breath of reason blowing into the stale fibres of structures that have now outlived their purpose. Perhaps we realise that the shelter we have previously held on so tightly too is in fact a pale shelter, unsustainable and imprisoning rather than safe and protective. What have we been holding onto? What are we ready to shake off in a bid for more freedom?

The many shifts of this time are preparing the way for the epochal move into the age of Aquarius which is well underway and will begin to take shape in approx. 150 years. We know from intergenerational trauma, family constellations, and the science of epigenetics that we are influenced by our ancestors from at least 4 generations before. It even states in the bible-

“Keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.” Exodus 34:7-

The decisions we are making now, the clear sightedness with which we are able to view the lay of the land; the joining of heart & mind; reason & instinct will lay the foundational bricks of the path that will lead us into the new age.

Social media and other channels of (dis) information appear as mighty forces in the manipulation of the human being at this time, pulling on weary heart strings and triggering the pain of our own unacknowledged wounds which are then projected onto the world stage. Can we stand back from this, and still with profound love and compassion, still fully connected to our humanity, cleanse the doors of perception and rise above the distortions peddled by forces that would manipulate the vulnerabilities of the human heart?

Can we reconnect body & soul; Heaven & earth, realising both our power and divinity and our humanness?

Aquarius, the water bearer symbolises the ability to carry water but is not the water. Water is the healing balm, the elixir of life. In our human experience, water is connected to the emotions. When we can master our emotions, that is bear them, and even bear the emotions of others, but are not consumed by them, the empathy and healing that we can offer ourselves and others is nothing less than the gateway to love.

It is not to shut off from emotions and feelings, rather it to see these human experiences as sacred portals into the truth of our being, and to find it in others. This is the key to healing, staying conscious in the depths of feeling, not judging but understanding the gift of integrating the whole spectrum of human life. It is the bridge between the human and divine realm, what we may think of as grace.

This consciousness keeps us fully connected in the world, administers of love and understanding without getting lost in sentimentality and the manipulation of emotive tactics to draw on our heart strings and the lower mind.

Here, there is no need to get lost in the mire of overwhelming emotions that can lead us to check out an escape what we consider too painful to bear.

In this we can step into the new age like phoenixes from the ashes, not transcended from earth and matter but fully embodied, fully cognisant, human divine, with celestial winds blowing through our higher mind and lifting our spirit.

 

Epiphany,Venus, & The Feminine Christ

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Beginning on December 26, Holy days are Twelve (sometimes Thirteen) in number up to and including January 6th which in the Christian calendar is Epiphany. Epiphany means ‘great light’ or ‘illumination’ and refers to the manifestation of Christ on earth. The Twelve Holy days are observed within the Christian mysteries, as well as the ancient mysteries, the Arcane School, and the ‘Ageless Wisdom’.

Epiphany is connected to the Star of Bethlehem which rose in the east guiding the three magi (or Astrologers) to the place of Jesus’ birth. Modern astrologers speculate that the Star of Bethlehem may have been a Venus/Jupiter conjunction, a comet, or a supernova.

The Twelve Holy days are believed to be of profound spiritual significance and are said to be under the influence of the Twelve Zodiacal Hierarchies which during the period leading up to Epiphany imprint their archetypal vibration onto the earth in order to create a harmonic resonance that completes at the end of the solar year. (You can read more about this by refering to the work of Rosicrucian author Corinne Heline).

Holy days are also believed to initiate the redemption of the earth and involves the 9th Degree of the Lesser Mysteries. The process refers to the role and status of Earth as it relates to cosmic alchemy. This is found in the teaching of Alice Bailey.

The light building through the Twelve Holy days culminates and is released on Epiphany when the manifestation of divine light is anchored on earth. This is represented by the embodiment of Christ.

In some church traditions only full days are counted, so that 5 January is counted as the Eleventh Day, 6 January as the Twelfth Day, and the evening of 6 January is counted as the Twelfth Night. In these traditions, Twelfth Night is the same as Epiphany and is also known as the “Thirteenth Day” (Van Wagenberg-Ter Hoeven, Anke A. (1993).

The number thirteen is symbolic of feminine power, creative life force, and wisdom. While in modern culture the number thirteen is considered an omen of bad luck and ill fortune, in previous times and in many other cultures it was considered auspicious. The number 13 is connected to the Goddess, the sacred feminine, Venus and Mary Magdalene.

Perhaps the Star of Bethlehem was in fact Venus as the Morning Star for in the last chapter of the Bible, Jesus called Himself “the bright morning star” (Revelation 22:16).

Lucifer or ‘Light Bringer’ is also a name for Venus as the Morning Star.

On planet earth, humans are activating, or reactivating, and anchoring the light of the divine feminine, a light which has been seriously obscured in the last few thousand years.

But while the birth of Christ is the physical incarnation of the divine on the planet- matter infused with the Christos – many teachings show that it is through the feminine that Christ consciousness is birthed… Mother Mary with the infant Jesus on her lap, mirroring the image of Isis with Horus… both solar deities birthed from the Mother.

Are these times heralding the manifestation, or realisation, of the feminine Christ?

Are we awakening to the necessity of a wholly acknowledged and fully realised feminine vibration toward the facilitation of human ascension? Is this what the questers after the Grail sought? Is it the heretical wisdom of the Knights Templars and other mysterious Brotherhoods? And could it be the gnosis behind the ‘Court of Love’ initiated by Eleanor of Aquitaine in Poitiers?

Is this the true mystery of the dance of Venus? The harmonic that will awaken humankind when the seat of human, now divine, consciousness awakens in the spiritual heart.

Like in the castle surrounded by thorns where Beauty (the Rose) sleeps, the true feminine has laid unconscious and absent from human activities for millennium.

And who was it that put a curse on Beauty?  It was the 13th fairy.

But this myth may be read in a different way: Rather than scapegoating the dark feminine, or the witch, it points to the rejection of Her by a fear-of-the-feminine based consciousness that both lives in terror of feminine power, and fails to anticipate the destruction that results in its absence.

People are coming to appreciate the imbalance and discord that has been created through the uprooting of feminine power. Women and men are becoming conscious of how this principle lives within themselves and the collective and are experiencing the consequences of its suppression. The past few decades have witnessed a feminine revival and renaissance – though not always wholesome and often subject to manipulation and distortion – the time has nevertheless come for the Princess to awaken and claim her seat of power so that the castle, or the Waste Land may once again flourish.

In the fairy tale, it is a brave knight, perhaps the Grail quester, who awakens the sleeping beauty. Here is a symbol of the masculine kissing awake his own anima (often represented by Venus), and at the same time, embedded in this myth is the awakening animus (inner man) of the feminine. It is the hieros gamos of the gnostic texts.

Herein lies a key to the return of feminine power. In activating and making union with her animus, a woman cannot simply adopt masculine symbols of power such as those that are held in regard by the patriarchy. In that instance, nothing would change, and the imbalance would continue. Instead, the feminine needs to refine her masculinity through her heart centre. Similarly, the masculine cannot merge with his anima in a wholly feminine manner less he becomes emasculated. He must contact his feminine through his masculine energy.

The much-maligned power of the 13th fairy is nothing less that the principles of renewal, regeneration, and transformation. It is not only the acceptance of death and an adherence to the principles of nature that the dark feminine symbolises, it is also the link to cosmic consciousness and the non- dualism that is required to merge with universal and planetary energies. It is a circular rather than linear way of human-beingness within the wider cosmic influence.

What is most feared about the integration of this consciousness is the ability to experience beyond limitations of time and space and imbibe the merging with God. This is an alchemical process which in true Grail fashion cannot be mediated or gained by proxy. It must be got through direct experience… and the Grail is different for everyone. What is clear however is that it is unobtainable without the feminine.

As I see it, the Grail is no less than the awakening and manifestation of human/divine feminine consciousness and living according to those principles. What’s more, the time of year from Christmas to Epiphany -these days little more than a faint idea in most modern minds – is in fact a time when the door to anchoring divine light within human beings and earth is wide open. That Venus as the Light Bringer heralds this opening points to the profound energies currently available for ‘cording- in’ the divine feminine.

From Olympus to Westminster- The cost to women in power.

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At the centre of Conservative party rule is a tiered structure rooted in the English private school system, and the misogynistic mindset of 19th century rationalism. With only 29% of female MPs represented in the House of Commons, and a mere 24% female representation in the House of Lords, British politics still has some way to go in fairly representing women.

I am aware as I write this that being a biological woman does not automatically announce the embodiment of feminine values. I would be curious to know how many women in seats of power are freely expressing their feminine nature, and how many repress it in order to be accepted in their field.

In an article in the Guardian on 25 July 2019, it was revealed that two-thirds of Boris Johnson’s cabinet went to private schools, compared to only 7 % of the general population.

Nick Duffel, a psychotherapist for boarding school survivors says the political implications of this syndrome are huge – because it’s the children inside the men running the country who are effectively in charge.

From the description of Duffel’s book, ‘Wounded Leaders: British Elitism and the Entitlement Illusion’ –

“This specific culture of elitism, protected by financial interests and the “It never did me any harm” syndrome, means that Britain is unlikely to foster the kind of leadership necessary in our world of increasing complexity, which needs a communal mindset and cooperative global solutions. But worse, new scientific evidence shows that this hyper-rational training leaves its devotees trapped within the confines of an inflexible mind, beset with functional defects, presented here as the Entitled Brain.”

Boys who go through this system are separated form their families at the tender age of 7, ensuring no, or little, feminine influence and are instead indoctrinated into a culture of ‘It didn’t do me any harm’, designed to close the heart and give primacy to the overly rational, emotionally detached and uncaring mentality evident in Conservative values.

In a system where the so-called enlightened mind of rationalism calls the shots, everyone is forced to endorse the prevailing paradigm. Women, children and any ‘Other’ comes under the sway of the agenda being either appropriated, corrected, or rejected.

These dynamics are nothing new and can be traced back to Greek mythology which show that in changing from matrilineal and lunar-based consciousness to the reign of the solar hero, women were acceptable only if they renounced their femininity and came under male rule. The priestesses were ousted form the temples and replaced with male priest who proclaimed themselves divinely appointed agents of the one true god.

Here is the Faustian bargain imposed upon Athena, goddess of wisdom: in order to claim her place among the Olympians she became detached from her original essence, and even punished expressions of instinctual or other apparently female identified qualities in other women. This dynamic is seen in the myth of Medusa where, as a punishment for a sexual tryst with the sea god Poseidon, Medusa is turned, by Athena, into a monstrous Gorgon with a hissing head of serpents, capable of turning men to stone with one glance.

It is not only men who sanction and impose misogynists’ values, it is the women who are embedded in this system who uphold them too…and herein lies the double betrayal of the feminine- a wound that surfaces in many of the women whom I work with.

Of course, at the heart of many of these myths as well as current socio-political and cultural structures is the fear of the feminine.

What will it take for a genuinely female-based consciousness to find its place in the halls of power? When the elites ruling the country are forced to separate from and belittle feminine values from a tender age, how can mature adult, social, political and intimate relationships based on equality of the sexes be possible?

These are old issues going way back into the vaults of time… to believe that the darkness at the core of androcentric institutions such as medicine, politics, education, military, and finance has been exposed and healed is misguided.
 
While it may be comforting to believe that in our post feminist world, the ‘old boy network’ no longer holds the power it used to, there is clearly much work still to be done.
 
I have huge admiration for anyone- man or woman- who is stepping forward as agents of change in whatever way they are called.

12:12 Full Moon, the UK election, and the goddess of love.

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Image- Mars and Venus Surprised by Vulcan by Alexandre Charles Guillemot (1827)

Image- Mars and Venus Surprised by Vulcan by Alexandre Charles Guillemot (1827)

Venus the eternal goddess of love is somewhat challenged today (astrologically speaking). Slotted between mighty Pluto and Saturn, she is having difficulty breathing.

Pluto/Venus and Saturn/Venus placements in natal and relationship charts can be tricky and in the case of Pluto/Venus may suggest a tendency for intense, obsessive and even abusive relationships.

As well as being placed in the zodiacal sign of Capricorn, which is ruled by Saturn, Venus is conjunct Saturn by 1 degree. Saturn/Venus contacts may show a rather authoritarian or aloof relationships, or a feeling of being unloved.

I write this on the train and only a few moments ago a uniformed guard sternly tried to remove a young woman from the train, not by physical force but with a very earnest and authoritative manner. The woman was being accused of inciting political sentiment inappropriately on public transport (I doubt she was rooting for Boris Johnson), and was told on no uncertain terms to leave the train. An interesting scenario given that I was at that very moment contemplating the Venus/Saturn relationship, and the relationship of the masculine to the feminine generally.

In tonight’s Sun & Moon Lodge we will be exploring through shamanic journeying and astro drama, the relationship between the masculine and feminine. Using the mythology of Venus, her husband the blacksmith Hephaestus and her lover Mars, as well as her imposition between Pluto and Saturn, the intention is to get a glimpse of the current collective climate, as well as our own personal dynamics in this regard.

With Mars also on the ascendant of the full moon chart, can the goddess of love temper all this strong masculine energy?

Hephaestus- known as Vulcan to the Romans- is depicted as the jealous husband who, furious by his wife’s infidelities, weaves a fine net to trap the lovers and present them before the gods of Olympus. This story however may say more about the nature of Venus rather than her scorned partner… though Venus has many relationships with both mortals and gods, and although to some extent she is not whole unto herself without a consort, she is also a goddess who cannot be possessed- even although I am sure the dark lord of the underworld, Pluto might like to try.

The relationship with Hephaestus and the feminine is an interesting one for he is also the god who created the first woman, Pandora, as a punishment for men for whom Prometheus stole the fire of the gods. Imbued with femininity from Aphrodite (Venus), and the skill of crafts form Athena, Pandora is described as being ‘beautifully evil’.

What is the relationship between your own inner masculine and feminine like, both in its balanced state and shadow state? To explore this, you can journey to the inner spaces using images or journeying, dream work and any other resources able to facilitate an opening to the imaginal realm- or simply look at your astrology chart!

For myself, when my inner masculine and feminine are balanced it is a beautiful relationship in which the masculine is in service to the feminine, however with fiery Mars in Aries conjunct Chiron (the wound) at the top of the chart, in its shadow aspect this relationship has a tendency toward Mars being a bit of a bully, rushing the softer more intuitive aspects of my feminine self which needs space and the gift of unfolding in her own good time.

On a collective note, I hope that the over masculinised influences of today’s full moon chart don’t influence voting too much.

Here’s to the deep need we have to integrate, anchor and weave feminine and soulful values into our public and political spheres. Here’s to Venus the goddess of love in her many aspects.

Image- Mars and Venus Surprised by Vulcan by Alexandre Charles Guillemot (1827)

Living Mythologies: The Sisterhood Wound

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Ladon and the Hesperides

In this Thursday’s Moon Lodge, myself and a small band of women will be exploring sisterhood, and what it means for modern women. Do we have a sense of its existence in our lives… or not and if not, what prohibits us from owning this rite of the feminine? And what must be done to reweave this torn web?

Canterbury Moon Lodge works with the natural cycles, the zodiacal placement of the moon, astrology, the mythic realms, symbolism and shamanism to lead us through the barriers of the rational mind and ego consciousness… beyond our limited stories.

The key to Moon Lodge is found in the weaving of myths, symbols, and archetypes with our own soul experiences and the contemporary cultural condition which we inhabit… but which may, if we are not careful, inhabit us.

Myths are living entities- on one level they are rooted in cultural and spiritual history and may reveal a lot about the lineage of our shared human consciousness. On another level they exist in an astral space of flux, change and movement mirroring our evolution process. They liberate us from the hardening mechanics of our own small stories and the engine of our ego mind. They can be a healing balm for the soul- provided we do not get too rigid about their meaning and are able to flow in the primordial waters and drink from the fountain of life.

There is no fixed meaning to myths, they are fluid expressions of the journey of the human soul both individually and collectively, revealing ever deeper layers of our relationship with the divine.

Working with myth enables us to take flight from the weight of our personal stories and prisons of the mind, freeing us into archetypal realms that have much to teach us about what it means to be spirit incarnate in the material world. Myths exist in the imaginal realms- they join body- soul- mind and spirit.

Exploring sisterhood through myth:

I am struck by the many stories of groups of women, nymphs, witches, graces and sirens from the mythological archives- from the Gorgons, Graeae, and the Stygian Nymphs in the myth of Medusa, to the women of the Isle of Lemnos in the Argonaut story, to the many daughters of Atlas… the seven sisters of the Pleiades, and the seven Hesperides guarding the Golden Apples. Myths and fairy tales are full of groups of women who possess magical powers or supernatural gifts especially when they join forces. Often, these groups of women are guarded by primordial beings such as snakes or dragons – as with Ladon the dragon who guards the sacred tree in the garden of Hesperides (this echoes the serpent who guards the Huluppu tree in Babylonian myth of Ishtar).

But what meaning can this have for modern women? What can these stories teach us?

Certainly, there are far fewer tales of groups of men who, by and large, appear in myth, stories, and fairy tales as solar heroes on lonely quests for individuation, or to prove themselves worthy by achieving feats of high danger or seeming impossibile tasks (or to get the girl). Often, they must obtain the power of women to set them on the next leg of their quest, and sometimes the feminine power or wisdom is stolen, or as the case of Medea is taken on false promise thereby betraying the feminine. Stories of stealing feminine power and wisdom are told through many sources and can also be witnessed in more concrete ways throughout history… this can be quite hidden and occult too.

What then is it about groups of women? Could it be that something incredibly powerful is initiated when women join forces? When I talk to women about sisterhood, they often report a feeling of being thwarted against other women. As I see it, this sometimes looks like who can be the most ideal feminine based on a standard of masculine values.

In a patriarchal culture where hierarchy and competition are esteemed values of solar consciousness, one might wonder, where is the space for people, and especially women, to come together on equal terms, encouraging and invoking the unique gifts of each member while in turn creating something much larger and more powerful than the sum of the parts?

Historically, groups of women have been feared and accused of witchcraft and malice.

What I have learned from three years of holding moon lodge circles is that it is indeed very powerful when women come together. Sometimes I feel nothing much more than gathering in circle with open hearts and good intentions needs to happen. Being witnessed in truth and authenticity is deeply healing – to see and to be seen as we really are.

But how real can we be?

Can we be vulnerable enough to show ourselves… the wounds we carry, the trauma we have suffered, our hopes and aspirations for our lives, our innermost truths about who we profoundly know ourselves to be without the need to play small… or big? Are we angry when other women tell their truth, or shine their light? Do we pity women who dissolve and unravel, unable to keep themselves together as we calmly don our mask of ‘got it all worked out’?

Who triggers you and why?

Can you truly love and support other women? Can you receive the enormous power and magic that wants to enter your life when you are able to open to other women?

I own in myself that in the past I have found it easier to open to men and reveal more of my truth to them than I have with women (although this is a whole other stone to be turned!).

When I look into this, I see that as a little girl I feared being subsumed by my mother. I felt on some level as if I existed only as an aspect of her and not as a person in my own right. I was an appendage of her, and she needed to hold the power so that I would not defy our mother-daughter complicity which was designed to continue living-out the false woman image. While the true or authentic woman was devastated by unresolved inter-generational and inter-cultural trauma, a mask had been created to prevent the pain from showing- which also meant that the trauma could not heal. In the culture I was born into it did not take much for a woman to be considered crazy. Many women were socially rejected, labelled and judged for dispalying symptoms of trauma- my own grandmother included.

I was strongly encouraged to hide behind the false woman mask because if the terrible wound that my mother and I, and my grandmother carried was exposed, it would have felt like certain death. And with compassion I can see that my mother did not feel she had the tools and resources to make the descent into the deepest soul wounds and come back to tell the tale.

This dynamic of complicity set me up for a lifetime of feeling unable to own myself in the company of other women- especially ones who wielded patriarchal type, control-over power, who denied the feminine in themselves and who would therefore no doubt punish me for it. But what is the experience of being in our authentic woman in the presence of other women (or anyone for that matter)? As the archetypal psychologist James Hillman says, we do not know what a real feminine consciousness looks like. It has been a long time since this has been anchored on the planet.

I and others are involved in the work of returning the exiled feminine.

At some point I realised that in not owning the truth of who I am in my full woman, I cannot fully support and love another woman to express that integrity either because of feeling threatened on some level. Feelings of jealousy, envy, suspicion, judgement, and any number of negative emotions keep us separate from other women- but in truth this is only separates us from ourselves.

Deeper still is the fear that if we really show ourselves for who we really are we will be abandoned, unloved, rejected or ridiculed. But it is silence and complicity that prevents us from coming home to ourselves.

These are some of the questions that we will be journeying with in Thursday’s Lodge, however if this post has inspired you please add your comments.