Chariklo’s Love: Healing the Pain of “I Am”

1-take-a-bow-yolanda-holmon

Painting- I take a Bow by Yolanda Holman

A big part of Chiron’s medicine and particularly when Chiron is in Aries is the healing of the Self. Aries boldly proclaims, “I AM!” while Chiron points to our deepest wounds- Chiron in Aries therefore indicates a wound to the Self on a core level. In this case the Chirotic journey is about healing through claiming, or reclaiming of the Self.

Chiron wounds are of a particular quality, they seem to permeate the body and seep into our mind becoming etched in our soul as distorted identity signatures. In working with the Centaurs there is often a thread of ancestral pain weaving through the generations and like puppets on a string it can feel like forces beyond our grasp are controlling our lives. This is a deep programming that needs to be excavated and released before we are finally free from the past. The Chiron return is an initiation that facilitates this process if we are open to it.

Collectively too there is trauma-based conditioning that affects whole generations of people… what will be the long-term effect of children born in the current Chiron in Aries group? The last Chiron in Aries group, particularly in the US, were born into a society in the grip of an increasingly brutal and shadowy war, racial violence and protests, and covert government social experiments. These psychic legacies infiltrate the collective consciousness shaping our societies and form the matrices that influence, either positively or negatively, our shared reality.

The pain of reclaiming the Self is the pain of “I Am”.

Recently a Chiron in Aries woman referred to herself as “Marmite”, and I knew exactly what she meant… not everybody loves her, and yet, she, like many of us are finding a way through the pain of “I AM” and learning to stand proudly in who we are regardless of whether we are liked, accepted, or approved of.  No matter how strong the individual, wounds of rejection run deep in our human need to belong; to leave the comfort and acceptance of the tribe and set out on the hero’s or heroine’s journey is no small undertaking. To see it through is a great achievement, it is the liberation symbolised in the Grail mythology… the Grail being the sacred vessel of the Self.

When it comes to reclaiming the Self we are essentially alone in our quest as we strive to release the heavy baggage of shame, guilt, not being good enough, being wrong, bad, faulty, less than, unworthy, mad, as well as many other denizens of self-loathing and sabotage.

The keys of Chiron can birth us into being our own loving parents who may have been sadly absent; the unconditional lover who never showed up because we were busy sending a message to the world that we are undeserving and unlovable. In the highest expression of Chiron’s initiation we become our own beloved loving ourselves unconditionally, recognising and cherishing our sacred divine essence.

From this state of grace no one can dislodge us from our seat of power.

This magical transformation is seen in the myth of Chiron specifically through the unconditional love and devotion offered by his wife Chariklo. If we accept Chariklo as an archetype existing on the inner planes and not an outside influence (although she can be), she is a symbol of the unconditional love that we finally uncover in ourselves.

Originally a naiad or water nymph, Chariklo shapeshifted into a Centaur so that she could become one with Chiron. For Chiron, this gesture of devotion is utterly healing and transmutes the initial wound of rejection by his mother.

In his book on Chiron, Zane Stein says,

Here was a woman who not only accepted his centaurean form, totally, completely and without judgment, but actually saw him as beautiful and willingly took his form herself so that she could be close to him. How could he not love her back with all of his being? And his unconditional love was the beginning of his healing, from that first deep wound of his mother’s rejection.

When go through the sometimes-excruciating pain of “I Am” and learn to love ourselves unconditionally, we activate our inner Chariklo. Of course it is wonderful if another person sees and loves us so deeply, but the true marriage is within. It is only by discovering union with ourselves on the deepest level that we can accept an outer union of the same depth.

The fact that Chiron is able to transmute the poison of rejection through Chariklo’s love speaks of our journey to wholeness when we finally realise that all the shame and self-loathing we have been carrying was a projection from the outside, and sadly often from our families of origin and communities. Chariklo’s love is the panacea needed to discover that the greatest love of all is found in the exquisite healing relationship with ourselves.

The Chiron return at around age 50 is the threshold over which we can begin the journey of self-reclamation. The Chariklo return at age 63 is in its highest expression an opportunity to radiate our love from a sphere of wholeness that is neither weakened or diminished by sharing our unique gift with others.

Are you part of the Chiron in Aries group born between April 1968 -April 1977?

If so, perhaps you would like to join me on a seven-week odyssey with a band of fellow travellers exploring the myth of Chiron and discovering how he operates in your life… and asking the question: what does it mean to experience the Chiron return during these times?

Chiron in Aries: Reclaiming the Self in a Time of Awakening begins on the Aries new moon on April 12, 2021 through to May 24th.

You can send me a message if you’d like to find out more, or if you would like a Chiron/Chariklo focused astrology reading.

Dark side of the moon, Lord of karma…and a sprinkling of grace

In my last blog I spoke about the healing opportunity that Dark Moon Lilith (22-degrees of Capricorn) conjunct Pluto (24-degrees of Capricorn) brings this new moon. I also highlighted the conjunction between Black Moon Lilith (1-degree of Aries), and Chiron (3-degrees of Aries).

In this blog-also about the February new moon- I want to focus on another powerful aspect: Saturn conjunct Chariklo at 27-degrees of Capricorn.

The stellium in Capricorn on Sunday 23 February looks like this-

Dark Moon Lilith 22 Capricorn

Pluto 24 Capricorn

Chariklo 27 Capricorn

Saturn 27 Capricorn

While Pluto Lord of the underworld (unconscious) has managed to catch wild wind spirit Lilith and taken her to his lair, Chariklo, the graceful spinner infuses the scene with a touch of feminine divinity and old man Saturn, Lord of karma over-sees the whole affair.

Quite a play on the cosmic stage as these powerful archetypal energies take their respective positions in the unveiling of the next lunar cycle.

Step forward Dark Moon Lilith-

In my previous blog I wrote about DML representing the exiled parts of us that have become split off from our core self. She is the rejected part of our feminine nature that can cause all sorts of havoc while she is unacknowledged and unintegrated. The wild one out beyond the bounds of civilised convention and social niceties, she terrorises the fantasies of men and refuses any form of submission.

Depending on where she is located in our natal chart DML can act out in any number of dangerous or ‘bad’ ways causing destruction to ourselves and those around us- or it may be where we carry the collective or family shadow or are scapegoated in some way. Lilith in us is most noticeable to others in her Dark Moon aspect and they may see this in us even while we ourselves are blind.

As elusive and untameable as she is DML is no match for Pluto- for no one, not even the most ardent renegade can escape his deathly clutches. Erupting through the barren crust of Lilith’s playground-a desert somewhere out beyond the Red Sea- he has abducted Lilith and taken her to Hades for a thorough stripping and alchemical cooking in the fires of the underworld.

Sinking down through the layers of the psyche Pluto shines a light on the dark side of the moon exposing all that has previously been hidden. This may reveal why Lilith has been raging for so long. “What ails thee dark queen?”.

Let me just say at this point- to imagine that Lilith is going to be appeased or pacified by a positive affirmation or week long forgiveness retreat is foolish and unwise- no amount of new age tricks and by-passing will allay her desolation, no amount of psychotherapeutic rationalism will explain her torment, and forgiveness is futile while the flames of her rage rip through the white-washed buildings of patriarchy.

Dark Moon Lilith is the receptacle of millennia of abuse against the feminine. Someone said it best when she said- “You can’t keep the goddess in the basement for thousands of years with duck-tape over her mouth and expect her to be smiling when she is released. Right! Nor should we expect her to be wearing Max Factor lipstick or sport a nice hairdo. Indeed, she’s not going to be in the least bit civilised. Similarly, if and when Lilith gives up her wilderness abode and crosses the boundary back into Civyy street, she’s unlikely to uphold any codes of moral conduct or etiquette imposed to enable a safe life of denial- for Lilith more than anything demands authenticity.

When someone begins to integrate their Dark Moon Lilith, the nice, pleasing person you thought you knew and loved may cast off her coat of chain mail and liberate herself into the naked truth. As the links of oppression and denial clink to the floor one by one, depending on where you are on your own Lilith journey (radical authenticity) you might turn for the hills and run. But Lilith has so much to show us if we can stand the heat. Lilith is in fact the guardian of our heart for once she is liberated, all that has previously obscured and blocked our connection to our heart (our wounds) falls away and there is nothing left but truth- and maybe in the end the only truth is love.

I am sure everyone has a Lilith story to greater or lesser degrees- and this is probably the degree to which the ‘Lilith Lines’ run through our tribal and family histories, expressed as ancestral or inter-generational trauma.

In the realm of Lilith, we are not only dealing with our own personal story of rejection, scapegoating, denial, or abuse, it is the point where we tap into the whole story of corruption of the feminine… it’s going to hurt.

Exposing and facing the wound of Lilith is not easy and because of this she continues to be locked in exile from one generation to another until finally someone in the family field is able to witness and release her.

But beneath Lilith’s rage and demonic ways is a soft and very vulnerable part that has never felt safe enough to show herself.

Pluto conjunct Dark Moon Lilith opens a gateway into these depths, though I would say if this is the journey you are currently on it would be wise to find some good and trustworthy support for yourself.

And…fear not…there is a point of redemption!

Chariklo, the female centaur and wife of Chiron offers her healing balm at this time. Exactly conjunct Saturn at 27-degrees Capricorn, and so also conjunct Pluto and DML, Chariklo brings a higher perspective of the painful human dynamics we find, or have found, ourselves in.

When we can raise ourselves above the never-ending drama of our lives to see the bigger picture and free ourselves from the conditioning and self-sabotaging beliefs we inherited or have carried forward, we may see that every difficult relationship, or dysfunctional behaviour facilitated our break-through from the imprisonment of the mind.

Like her husband Chiron, Chariklo shows us that what we previously considered as our wounds or curses are in the end a gift- and what Chariklo ultimately offers is the gift of love.

Fortunately, Chariklo stays close to both Pluto and Saturn through the conjunction right up until 2022. This really is a blessing- tuning into the qualities of Chariklo might just save us from suffocating in the chasms of duality- right/wrong, good/evil which leads to further separation and illusion. Forgiveness is needed but forgiveness can’t just be magicked into existence with a course in CBT- these roots run deep.

And what of Saturn taking account of all this melodrama? For me his role in this is two-fold:

First, he insists on asking us to account for how all of this translates in the real world- the here and now, and the day-to day reality of our existence. He may be asking us to create strong boundaries, to call time on a particular relationship, to finally set in motion the concrete things needed to execute a plan, or he may confront us with our human limitations.

On the other hand, issues of karma may be surfacing at this time as we contemplate why we find ourselves in the same situations over and over again. Why do we keep on attracting the same dynamics in our relationships, financial situations, health?

Karmic relationships have a way of appearing in our life to help us re-connect our relationship to ourselves and to Source. They show us how to untangle from toxic and damaging behaviours that keep us split off and disconnected… just like Lilith in the wilds.

Ultimately, it is never about the other person- we are but actors in each other’s play, holding up the mirror and showing, sometimes through the most unendurable pain, where we have turned our back on God- or Goddess- or any other term for the ineffable mystery that we may just glimpse on surrendering our need to be right, or to know, or to always be in control.

In a way Dark Moon Lilith is the place of unrelenting control that will stop at nothing before total destruction…  if she remains unacknowledged.

Oh, but that’s a tough step- it’s really hard to accept the shadow in oneself. Really, we would much rather show ourselves as competent, in control, sophisticated and light filled beings- no one wants the mess. But let’s face it, don’t we keep spilling the mess into our lives anyway, leaving to varying degrees trail of destruction- whether that be on the personal or collective level?

This is where the relationship between Lilith and Saturn is important- until we heal our deepest wounds, we will naturally keep on manifesting them in order to finally understand them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chariklo, Lilith & our Mother’s Mother: New Moon in Aquarius.

New moon chart- 24/01/20- 21.42- GMT- 4 degrees of Aquarius.

Pluto 23 Capricorn

Saturn 24 Capricorn

Chariklo 25 Capricorn

Black Moon Lilith (true and mean) 3 Aries

Chiron 2 Aries

Sabian symbol for sun/moon conjunction-

“Every individual is far more dependent upon the strengths of their ancestors’ achievements – or oppressed by their failures- as they usually believe.”

In this new moon chart I am focusing on the Lilith/Chiron conjunction at 3 degrees of Aries, and the Chariklo/Saturn/Pluto conjunction in Capricorn.

In the chart – based on the UK- Black Moon Lilith is in the 7th house- house of relationships.

Black moon Lilith (both true and mean) has a tiny Lilith ‘corridor’ (6 minutes) which intensifies Lilith energies and may invoke instant manifestation of Lilith-like issues- the exiled parts of feminine consciousness.

Black moon Lilith has to do with our bio-emotional-physical experience where we are receptive to subtle energies and currents as they move through our physical, emotional and psychic being, as well as our environment and on the astral planes.

In the house of relationship conjunct Chiron this speaks to the possible ways in which we are wounded in our personal and intimate relationships and how we store these experiences/memories in our body… often this pattern was set-up in childhood. Understanding this is not a rational process and cannot be worked out by the mind or by talking alone, it a deeply visceral experience that is instinctual in nature and has to do with the ways our nervous system has been wired or programmed.

If there are deep rooted bio-psychological issues laying unresolved in our nervous system, such as abandonment or abuse, healing can feel elusive at a times impossible (Chiron). However through the process of loving awareness and consciousness- not necessarily mental awareness- these deeply buried wounds in our cells and tissue can finally be released. This is the healing of the ‘Chironic Wound’- it may never be fully erased but in time we can experience a deeper understanding of the instinctual processes driving us and bring in more light & consciousness.

This is where Charilko comes in and takes the healing a step further. In the new moon chart Chariklo is conjunct Pluto and Saturn at 25 degrees of Capricorn. As the wife of Chiron, Chariklo- whose name means ‘graceful spinner’- is the divine feminine, weaving her healing magic through love, forgiveness and compassion.

Chariklo tells us we cannot heal our deepest soul wounds with reason or will alone, it is the quality of grace… divine grace, that can initiate us into this process of transformation.

Chariklo insists that we no longer blame anybody else for our wounds and suffering. She shows us that everybody is operating according to their soul imprints- and in this knowledge we can finally offer forgiveness.  But it does not mean that we continue to allow ourselves to be adversely affected by toxic or transgressive behaviours- we learn to forgive but we also learn to set strong protective and self-loving boundaries… we can love and administer grace and compassion without being subjected to another’s will, misfortune or abuse.

Chariklo takes us to the void, to the wounded instinctual places where we may call in a higher spiritual power and where we are assisted by the grace of divine will. When the life sustaining and rejuvenating principle is operating through us, we are no longer at the mercy of other people as our main source of nourishment and validation, and less likely to tolerate, or engage in harmful behaviours and attitudes.

Working with the energy of Chariklo we are involved in the mystical processes of self-care and self-love, consciously inviting the divine feminine into our lives.

With the focus on ancestral influence in this new moon’s point of Aquarius, we are called to acknowledge how patterns of trauma and wounding may have been passed down through our lineage.

As Aquarius is the water bearer, what are we being asked to bear for our ancestors and our lineages?

Healing these patterns is a shamanic process, a rich layering of past & present, inner & outer.

I am currently reading a book by Mark Wolynn about inherited family trauma- the author says that how we love or relate to our intimate partner is how our mother was related to as a child in her family home, and possibly even how her mother, our grandmother, was raised.

As the Pluto/Saturn conjunction continues to dismantle outmoded structures we may be called to take a candid look at the structures we have woven and set up for ourselves in our own lives. What are the driving forces behind these impulses and motivations? Are we creating our lives from a place of health and integration, or unaddressed dynamics and learned patterns?

Tonight’s dark moon is an excellent time to consider these points.

If you would like an astrology consultation to discover how asteroid Chariklo or Black Moon Lilith moves in your life, please contact me- karen@redspiral.co.uk