Chiron’s Key and the Cost of Illumination.

Over the past month or so the lunar north node has been conjunct my natal Mars/Chiron at 8° and 9° Aries, by transit.  During this time, I have been reflecting on a part of the Chiron journey that is rarely discussed: We talk about the Chiron wound, the suffering, the ancestral connection, and, if we are fortunate, the gift received, however we rarely talk about the price we paid for Chiron’s key. 

My point is that once behaviours, attitudes, and traumas associated with our personal Chiron journey have been transmuted and Chiron is no longer operating in a negative way in our lives, we tend not to reflect on the cost of the healing journey. Addiction for example is a coping mechanism of trauma where inherent feelings associated with the trauma are too big or too painful to feel. Traversing the dark night of the soul leaves its mark not only on the soul but on the body and mind too. What did we do to get through the darkness? It might have been smoking, drinking, drugs, promiscuity, self- sabotage, bankruptcy, toxic relationships, criminal activity, over/under eating… the list is endless.

How did we cope in life carrying heavy burdens and deep wounds, present in our family or community even before our birth? Chiron’s wounds are the wounds we inherited through our ancestral lines that manifest in a unique way through us based on our soul’s unique journey and intentions for this lifetime.

After the Chiron return in our early 50’s, we may have integrated traumas, overcome addictions, or learned to bear our suffering, but the journey likely took its toll. Something has been gained and something has been lost.

For those of us now in our 50’s and 60’s who are reaping the consequences of “bad” past choices, there may be illness, debilitation, disease, caused by poverty, addiction, relationship breakdown, mental health crisis’, pharmaceutical dependency…

The path to individuation is paved with trials. 

In mythology it is often the case that the hero or heroine must face a series of challenges and initiations before crossing the threshold into self-realization. If on this precarious odyssey spiritual laws are transgressed there are penalties to pay. I am thinking of Prometheus who, having stolen fire from the gods, is doomed to have his liver pecked out daily while chained to a rock. Of course, the Prometheus myth is intricately bound with Chiron’s myth for it is Prometheus whom Chiron brokers a deal with Zeus to trade places with so that he is freed from his suffering. Chiron’s death allows Prometheus to live. Symbolically this can be read as Chiron’s death facilitating consciousness for humanity through the gift of fire given by Prometheus. Fire is illumination and more specifically it is spiritual illumination.

When we are no longer in the grip of or at the mercy of our Chiron wound, when the suffering ends, we may have gained consciousness however the price we paid may have been high. Though something is lost, and something is gained, the true gift of Chiron is not only for ourselves; through our suffering and trials, through our dark night of the soul from which as the hero or heroine in our own story we have returned, we may also heal others. We have lived it, we have walked the line, we have returned from the mountain like Zarathustra with a holy message. Having erased the line between heaven and earth and through recognition of our divine nature, despite the mess, we are the shaman, teacher, sage…

On the other side of our Chiron journey, we are asked to step forward and tell what we know, what we have seen, and what it cost us to win that privilege. By the time of our Chiron return, knocks received to the ego will have been sufficient to care less about how others perceive us. Embodying oneself warts-and-all is the liberation that allows us to own who we really are thus allowing others to learn from us or to be inspired by our story. 

As the north lunar node transits my own Chiron, I am reflecting on my health, transgressions of the past, and the price I have paid for my own healing journey. On the other side of Chiron’s wound is Chiron’s balm and since I feel Chiron is intimately connected with self-love, self-value and self-esteem, I would no longer dream of treating myself badly or allowing myself to enter devaluing situations, or else treat myself in any way less than sacred. And yet I am left with the consequences of a time when I was without this level of self-care or self-gnosis. 

The past is the past and what is done is done and cannot be undone; however our relationship to the past, our responses to it and to those former versions of ourselves will influence our journey to wholeness, and our relationship with the life we have left. We are wiser and time is running out. How we use our energy henceforth becomes a crucial question. 

Chiron’s journey is ultimately one of forgiveness not only toward ourselves but for the people, events, and experiences that were part of our Chiron journey… parents, grandparents, friends, lovers, partners, friends, foes, enemies, and allies, all of them holding a mirror while we learned to see our true image.