“One must stay close to feeling to know what one should do in this matter of having or not having children”.
~ Marie-Louise von Franz, A Woman’s Way.
The first time I realised that I was the last female in my matrilineal line I was in a room with a few other woman- dream lodge friends- who for the most part were in the same position. I was not the only one to have this realisation for the first time and the room fell silent for a time as each woman considered the emotional impact of that recognition.
That was in 2016, quite late in my life, although technically I could still have become a mother. I remember one of the first astrology readings I received in my early thirties when the astrologer told me that he did not rule out motherhood for me until around forty-seven. I was shocked, I could not imagine becoming a mother at forty-seven. I never became one at all.
Since that evening in Canterbury sitting with the other non- mothers reflecting of the meaning of that in our lives, I have thought a lot about why I did not have children. I have never felt sad or distressed about it; on a deep level I knew that it was not my role in this lifetime to be a mother. That is not to say there were not moments when I thought it would have been amazing to be a mother… and there were losses, but somehow my calling lay elsewhere.
In my astrology practice I work with women who are mothers and have deeply adored the experience; women who are mothers and not without some guilt have admitted they did not enjoy the experience; women who have regretted having children, and women who have regretted not having children. In these sessions we inevitably look at the mother-line to explore our own experience of being mothered; often the same patterns are repeated, or else there is a fracture down the line.
Women who feel they were unmothered sometimes endure a lot of soul questing on their journey to heal the emotional wounds of this abandonment, perceived or actual. Something else I have found is that it can be the case that women who do not continue the matrilineal line are in fact clearing the line, they are lineage bearers and lineage healers. In this case it is the end of the line for a particular cycle of trauma… though sometimes not without much personal cost.
Astrology has helped to me to connect with my own mother-line and has cultivated a deep sense of compassion in what has been a painful and traumatic relationship with my own mother… and her mother before her. Pholus and the centaurs in a chart can help to flesh out the story.
Getting to know my astrology has also imbued me with a sense of purpose as I realise that I am here for a reason other than mothering.Working with the asteroid goddesses provides psychological insight in grasping the journey of the soul as it relates to feminine patterns of consciousness and archetypes… there are many wonderful masculine archetypes/asteroids to help expand masculine consciousness and experience too.
The tradition planets reveal a huge amount of insight and information however working with the asteroids facilitate a reintegration of many of the feminine aspects and expressions that have been lost, repressed, curtailed, or otherwise marginalised and outright abandoned.
I see this time as a calling back of all the different expressions of the feminine. Women are wives, consorts, lovers, mothers, scholars, and CEO’s… and they are also medicine women, healers, holy women, sages, leaders, visionaries, warriors, tricksters, masters, sacred sexual priestesses, initiators, creatrixes, funerary priestesses, spirit doulas, and dream temple oracles to name a few.
Sometimes women who have taken on their ancestral karma and lineage clearing are just exhausted and need time to recover and regenerate. This may be especially so if the descent into the trauma of the line has resulted in illness caused by emotional or mental imbalances, or spiritual malaise.
There are many ways to birth and there are many ways to mother.
If you would like to explore this theme in your life, I am available for astrology session to explore how the feminine archetypes move in you and identify the ones that may be calling you toward a life that you have not yet seen.