The Menopausal Virgin~

What if the menopausal woman has not “gone off” sex but is instead in a deep initiatory process of becoming “whole unto herself”. In short, what if menopause is an opportunity for individuation should we decide to and are able to take it.

Time to oneself and periods of deep solitude may be less about rejection of a spouse or lover and more about creating the necessary conditions for transformation. The demands, pressures and pace of the world as well as from significant others and cultural conditioning can interfere with the subtle and sacred processes of self-becoming.

In his essay, “The Psychological Aspects of the Kore”, Jung asserts that the Kore functions as a “Self-figure” for women—a representation of the supraordinate personality that helps a woman transcend immediate limitations of time, ego, and social expectations.

What does it look like when we transcend social expectations?

Without a socially sanctioned map and blueprint the transitioning woman, the Kore, is turned inward to her inner life and is forced to draw upon her natural instincts and resources. The individual is born.

Archetypally, the Virgin taps into her innate potential and inner wisdom. Aligning herself with this may come at the cost of popularity or belonging, however fitting in with expectations and demands placed upon her are not the motivations or needs of the virgin. Her focus is on awakening to the Self.

I have noticed waves of posts on social media targeting the mid-life woman in her menopausal journey, mainly these messages centre around her thinning hair, lack of libido, low mood, belly fat, lack of interest in sex, dull skin… the list goes on. Nowhere or seldom is menopause be presented as an invitation to turn away from the overly emphasised world of matter and appearance and step into the menopausal void of transition.

What if the so-called menopausal “brain fog” is more akin to the dissolved state of the pupa and metamorphosis and not a sign of lack of capacity. What if after or even during the menopause transition women awaken to their deep feminine sexual nature. And what if menopause is not only the closing of a chapter but the beginning of a new, full bodied, self-possessed erotic delight in self-awakening?

A woman who has been through this kind of initiation is unlikely to allow her body to betray her newly reconnected instincts and engage in sexual connection that does not meet her in her fullness.

This is entirely different from “going off” sex; it may be saying “I no longer wish to open my body to sex that does not honour my fullness and my truth”.

In her book, The Pregnant Virgin: A Process of Psychological Transformation, Marion Woodman says,

As I understand the virgin archetype, it is that aspect of the feminine, […] that has the courage to Be and the flexibility to be always Becoming. Rooted in the instincts, the virgin has a loving relationship to the Great Earth Mother. But she is not herself the Great Mother […] They have been through the joy and the agony of the daily sorting of the seeds of their own feeling values to find out who they authentically are, and they continue to do so. They are strong enough and pliable enough to surrender to the penetration of the Spirit and to bring the fruit of that union into consciousness.

My explorations in menopause, the alchemy of menopause, and archetypes continues should you wish to join me either in a group offering or  a 1-1 session.

KMS